Role of grand parents.
How much value do you see in being to be a part of your grand children's lives. We presently only have 2 grand children so it wouldn't be too hard to fit them into a full timer's schedule but with 4 m...
Forum Discussion
To us it's all about creating the memories, positive influences, respect of others the difference between obvious rights and wrongs and warm feelings for future generations that we've treasured, if there were no occasional bad memories we'd not be able to know what the untold amount of good ones are. Just as if you've never had a bad day how do you know what a good one feels like?
How complex and mixed families are and individuals beliefs on what's right and wrong based on their previous upbringings? I have cousins who haven't spoken to their 83 year old remaining parent since the 1980's yet we still keep in touch via phone with my hot tempered red haired Aunt (mother's brother's widow) and will visit her in Ireland next year as a surprise. We know her personality and traits and accepted them as being part of who she is from her upbringing.
Just as we were told as parents the same can be said of grandparents. "There's no right way to be a parent/grandparent" - you'll always wonder when some go off the rails, what you could have done differently. All any of us can do is try to create a positive influence on the youth of today. We all become like those we associate with in the long term and someone somewhere had a huge influence on who we became as adults. Maybe one day I'll become all growed up too (Tee Hee).
My fathers parent's died before I was born/very young - my mothers parents, father who was blind I have fond memories at the Farm/Homestead growing up with Nana's smell of home baked goods, watching her darn socks, wash sheets in the tub, do jigsaws with me, the physical work on the farm and sitting on Jampa's knee begging for him to play the accordion, and mouth organ and the smell of his pipe. He passed when I was 10 and I was devastated.
My Nana gave me the stability and warmth of family life while my parents worked or spent their lives in the pubs. She buried my mum when I was 19 and she remained a constant in my life well into my 40's. Strict Victorian upbringing as it was I was truly blessed to have her in my life.
I was bathed in a tin tub in front of the parafin heater on Sunday's whether I needed it or not (LOL), and Nana insisted on putting mens Brylcream (Yuck) in my hair to ease plaiting it for school for the week upcoming. On Sunday nights a very crackly radio listening to the the Top 20 down ultra low they thought would be the ruination of my youth at the time (LOL).
Money was very very tight, no TV back then, but we always had a warm bed, food in our bellies and all the feelings of a loving nurturing family we could wish for. But with that said and done a crop across the back of my legs and made to stand in the corner when mischievious on occasion still I remember but ironically no bad feelings knowing it was for my well being.
My father by then a widower and us when we had our first born, I recall many weeks when money was tight emptying out the egg jar sales coins and dad scraping together the last pennies of his pension. Chopping down trees for heat when we couldn't afford coal. We all pulled together but respected each others individual needs and personalities. Our eldest daughter adored her Papa until he also passed away too soon, and misses him even in her 30's today.
My husband was a "latch key" kid from the big smoke (London) - mother ran away when he was 8 months old, so until he was school age he and brother were put in a home. He still has very very bitter memories about his father, who I see as at the time doing the best he thought at the time. When we met fortunately, hubby embraced the loving atmosphere I grew up with and is the same with our children. He tells this day of how he loved my dad more than his own, which is sad but .......
Whilst we have our own identities, encourage anything each other wants to do, each one knows we are there for each other physically, emotionally, financially and so on. We encourage travel and experiences and do whatever we can to help the others achieve various memories if need be.
I see our youngest daughter's fiancé brought up in a broken family struggle initially and still I think 3 years later doesn't understand the way our family launders, cleans and cooks for each other for when the others come in from work, financially help each other to avoid the other getting into debt for post education, dentistry etc.
Grandkids, every one says that's what I need but I'm still waiting :( When they come they will receive all the love in the world, experiences, support and encouragement they could wish for whether it be from their mothers or grandparents. Our daughter knows we have strong beliefs on respect and manners with children and she feels the same way. It has filtrated down through the generations in our family, but the love and warm family experiences far surpass any reprimands over the years.
For sure rather than cause conflict with any future son-in-law and our daughter's relationship, we'd walk away, but it would devastate us not to be a huge part and precious memory influence in our grandchildren's life. We will do whatever we need to at the time to become a huge part of our grandchildren's lives and memories, whilst never forgetting they are their own individual person and will encourage them in all their desires.
To each their own, but our role as grandparents hopefully one day will be ones they treasure for the rest of their lives.
How complex and mixed families are and individuals beliefs on what's right and wrong based on their previous upbringings? I have cousins who haven't spoken to their 83 year old remaining parent since the 1980's yet we still keep in touch via phone with my hot tempered red haired Aunt (mother's brother's widow) and will visit her in Ireland next year as a surprise. We know her personality and traits and accepted them as being part of who she is from her upbringing.
Just as we were told as parents the same can be said of grandparents. "There's no right way to be a parent/grandparent" - you'll always wonder when some go off the rails, what you could have done differently. All any of us can do is try to create a positive influence on the youth of today. We all become like those we associate with in the long term and someone somewhere had a huge influence on who we became as adults. Maybe one day I'll become all growed up too (Tee Hee).
My fathers parent's died before I was born/very young - my mothers parents, father who was blind I have fond memories at the Farm/Homestead growing up with Nana's smell of home baked goods, watching her darn socks, wash sheets in the tub, do jigsaws with me, the physical work on the farm and sitting on Jampa's knee begging for him to play the accordion, and mouth organ and the smell of his pipe. He passed when I was 10 and I was devastated.
My Nana gave me the stability and warmth of family life while my parents worked or spent their lives in the pubs. She buried my mum when I was 19 and she remained a constant in my life well into my 40's. Strict Victorian upbringing as it was I was truly blessed to have her in my life.
I was bathed in a tin tub in front of the parafin heater on Sunday's whether I needed it or not (LOL), and Nana insisted on putting mens Brylcream (Yuck) in my hair to ease plaiting it for school for the week upcoming. On Sunday nights a very crackly radio listening to the the Top 20 down ultra low they thought would be the ruination of my youth at the time (LOL).
Money was very very tight, no TV back then, but we always had a warm bed, food in our bellies and all the feelings of a loving nurturing family we could wish for. But with that said and done a crop across the back of my legs and made to stand in the corner when mischievious on occasion still I remember but ironically no bad feelings knowing it was for my well being.
My father by then a widower and us when we had our first born, I recall many weeks when money was tight emptying out the egg jar sales coins and dad scraping together the last pennies of his pension. Chopping down trees for heat when we couldn't afford coal. We all pulled together but respected each others individual needs and personalities. Our eldest daughter adored her Papa until he also passed away too soon, and misses him even in her 30's today.
My husband was a "latch key" kid from the big smoke (London) - mother ran away when he was 8 months old, so until he was school age he and brother were put in a home. He still has very very bitter memories about his father, who I see as at the time doing the best he thought at the time. When we met fortunately, hubby embraced the loving atmosphere I grew up with and is the same with our children. He tells this day of how he loved my dad more than his own, which is sad but .......
Whilst we have our own identities, encourage anything each other wants to do, each one knows we are there for each other physically, emotionally, financially and so on. We encourage travel and experiences and do whatever we can to help the others achieve various memories if need be.
I see our youngest daughter's fiancé brought up in a broken family struggle initially and still I think 3 years later doesn't understand the way our family launders, cleans and cooks for each other for when the others come in from work, financially help each other to avoid the other getting into debt for post education, dentistry etc.
Grandkids, every one says that's what I need but I'm still waiting :( When they come they will receive all the love in the world, experiences, support and encouragement they could wish for whether it be from their mothers or grandparents. Our daughter knows we have strong beliefs on respect and manners with children and she feels the same way. It has filtrated down through the generations in our family, but the love and warm family experiences far surpass any reprimands over the years.
For sure rather than cause conflict with any future son-in-law and our daughter's relationship, we'd walk away, but it would devastate us not to be a huge part and precious memory influence in our grandchildren's life. We will do whatever we need to at the time to become a huge part of our grandchildren's lives and memories, whilst never forgetting they are their own individual person and will encourage them in all their desires.
To each their own, but our role as grandparents hopefully one day will be ones they treasure for the rest of their lives.
