Why are you ruling out full-size SUVs like the Expedition or Tahoe? If you're focused on seating for 7 and off-road capabilities, then a full-size might suit your needs better.
The curb weight of a 4x4 Explorer Limited is 4900 lbs, and the Tahoe is only 700 lbs more at 5600 lbs, and the Expedition is only slightly higher at 5800 lbs.
And as far as MPG is concerned, the new full size SUVs have improved a lot. My Yukon with the new 6.2L / 8-speed is getting 22mpg on the highway, which is a huge improvement over the 9-12 mpg my old Suburban was getting. And if you go with the smaller V8, they're even better.
As far as the Jeep Commander is concerned - I love my Jeep, but would never recommend it to anyone who wasn't specifically looking for a Jeep. The Commander seems like a compromise that I wouldn't want to make.
