To the OP:
I'm not really sure that anyone here (strangers to you) can answer your question. With the feelings of separation you have from your grandchildren, it seems you have made your choice. Why go out on the road and feel miserable? I don't think anyone here can change your mind or your attitude about how you want to be with your grandchildren on a frequent basis.
Many here have given their situations and some have posted their thoughts about the relationship you have with your children and grandchildren. Whether we think that such a close relationship is good or healthy is really not relevant. It is really up to you. If you have such separation anxiety, I don't think suggestions from others will change how you wish to relate to your grandchildren.
We all make choices in life and there are consequences (both good and bad) to those choices. I remember a cross-stitch I once saw that said the following: "Choose thy love; Love thy choice." Decide for yourselves what you want to do and be happy with it. I don't think anyone here can help you with that decision.
