So in the end I think I was tongue light. I just didn't have enough in it to properly load the tongue, then cranked up the bars at 4 links trying to get the front droops to lower than what it was without the bars. Still I'm just not happy with this hitch after reading more about Equalizer brand, the Reese Straight Line, and others.
It wasn't all awful. On stretches of nice road, when the wind was town it was like it wasn't there, so I don't think I was too far off from good. But at one road side pit stop, the wind was so bad my 9 year old couldn't even open the door!