Torn between full time RVing and aging parents.

Mine is a little different but issues. Mom did help when the kids were little, my dad was killed in a construction accident 6 months before he retired. Mom was left in good financial condition and good health. She cried and went on how you just don't know, they didn't get along that well! She had quite a few boyfriends and the last one was a gem, she traveled all over. Oh she dropped the kids after dad died never to care for them again. I have a mentally challenged DD and it was hell. I worked for many years, she was latch key, left more then she should have been, no begging to either family would get any help. We had to leave the area because work died here and that was their excuse. I missed work, worked myself to death and stressed to keep a job. My husband worked on construction usually 6 or 7 days a week, left before the sun was up and home after it was set.

Fast forward, mom gets older and sicker, a lot of it self imposed because of poor eating habits and shall I say more alcohol for someone with stomach issues to have. I would come home eventually on every vacation and get her better or take her home with me for a few months till I could make the rounds of doctors and get her better. This was after her boyfriend got lupus and at that age others were to old or ill to take her anymore. She ran her friends ragged. But she got glaucoma, whether she knew or tried to hide it who knows but when she had to quit driving for her that was the end. I took her to Houston, she had surgeries and stopped the advance of it but to much sight had been lost. She was at the house for sometime but wanted our mentally challenged daughter to stay home and care for her. I would leave food, do everything and she wouldn't even heat it. I tried coming home from work to feed them, well you know how long that lasted. I had to quit, then tried real estate, didn't like it, did part time temp work making nothing. Talk about depressed I lost my retirement everything. Yes, I'm sure I sound bitter, I was an only child also.
Finally it was effecting our marriage and DD got very ill. She was hospitalized and all mom could think of is being dressed up and ready to go somewhere. She would be like that everyday when I came home from work. I finally started looking for assisted living. She by then had COPD, some heart issues, couldn't see good, but wanted to run all the time, had no interests.
She would call constantly and as hubby says you better go or she will be ill and have to go to the doctor or hospital, most of the docs just finally told her there wasn't anything they could do it was for the most part just old age.
This went on for some time in the hospital and out, finally I had to put her in a nursing home, she only lasted a few months after that. I think she couldn't go all the time and just quit living. I did it and as hubby says you know you did all you could, but it took a toll on me in many ways

My folks had me older, so now MIL is 88. We moved back because the neighbors said she was having issues. I didn't mind moving back so much, it is nice here and I planned on traveling, my husband kept wanting me to wait, to wait, in my 60's I said are you going to retire and go with me? Well no, he didnt' have much interest in traveling, he goes all over the world and has for 14 years so why would he? I got my motorhome, he takes care of it, pays for all of it, and doesn't mind so I got to start traveling some maybe 6 years ago but not like I wanted to.

Now we are here with MIL, there is no talking to her. She has dementia or alzheimers, so did her mom, brother, and sister has it who lives next door to her off and on. I have tried to get her to a doc, she doesn't eat enough, she is losing weight. She doesn't remember things. I explained docs won't cure her but could help her have a better quality of life, nope. By the way had no help from them at all, Fil passed about 10 years ago, he would have been impossible to deal with. So here we are. She really needs to be in assisted living, I've talked till I'm blue in the face. She is coming up for an eye exam for her license, couldn't pass it a few months ago, but she didn't have her glasses. I told hubby when he is home he can take her, then it won't be me doing anything to her so he is. But I can't do anything with her or for her. I talked to her elderly neighbors and told them I'm going, I did last winter but only for a month. This time I'm going for Jan, back for Feb when hubby is home then leaving again for March and April. I will be 69, don't drive at night now, have
health issues with our DD, she is hospitalized periodically for health and some psychiatric issues the last few years so if I don't go I never will. Unless she
will listen to her son we figure it will take a guardianship proceeding to get her in a facility.

With hubbies family history, mine doesn't have alzheimers or dementia in it, long lived and healthy, his is long lived, we have our wills POA's etc so ready for all that. I don't want battles like that. WE have no one to take care of us, I will likely have to keep DD till I'm 80. Our son lives and works overseas and I don't expect him to disrupt his life like I had to. So folks, go, have fun, I'm going to, I waited long enough. Don't know how this will turn out, but I'm leaving next Monday. Sorry for the length of this but man for me its not just parents but DD and it will never end for me, some of us never get a reprieve. And yes do I get depressed, yes I do but pull myself out of it. Life is what you make it.

And everyone have a Very Merry Christmas!!

We have friends who retired almost 18 years ago. Their daughter moved in with them about that time requiring constant care due to a back injury.
There are numerous other ways for her to get assistance for free but won't because mom and dad can do it. Their life, even just trying to schedule a visit to the store, revolves around her. Her own kids won't even take her to a doctors appointment because they've been told that gran and gramps will do it.
Their great grandson's birthday, he was turning 2, fell on a weekend where they were able to go away for 4 days. They decided they would go see him several days before so they could get away for the first time in 4 years. Their daughter told them they were being extremely selfish and should stay home.

He is now in his 80's and can't get proper medical insurance to travel. He still gets his MH out and ready to go but it hasn't moved more than 500 miles in the last 8 years.


Go, go fast, go now, don't look back! :W

My mother's family has a history of Alzheimer's. My father planned to travel after he retired (1986) but Mom was already starting to show signs of problems.

1993 she went into a nursing home after he could not care for her anymore. 2008 she passed away, he used to go see her every day. Fed her most days. Stayed on the staff constantly about her care.

I've spend some of the time between 2008 and 2012 driving 500 mile round trips twice a month to check on him, take him to doctors, etc.

When we told him, and my brothers and sisters, that we were selling the house and going full-time - he was our biggest supporter.

"Do it now!! You never know what the future might be. Go!!"

Though, we do try to schedule so that we can visit him for a week at least twice a year.

And so he can tell me everything I don't know about towing and caring for a trailer.

PS - one thing he really likes is getting post cards.

We started mailing them rather than a phone call almost by accident, and learned he is old enough that post cards actually mean something. I've run into high school friends while visiting back home, who tell me that my father keeps the latest three or four and brags about our travels. He can share our travels that way - since he doesn't do Facebook, social media, blogs, etc.

He actually looks forward to receiving mail from us.

Get over it, you want to hear what you want to hear to not feel guilty, so you go with the majority. If your parents raised you right, they want you to be happy. They raised you to be independent, and have a healthy and productive life,so go for it. What she says now is not what an she would of said when she was independent, she's scared. So go have as great Time.

My MIL is 82. We are in our mid 50's. She can still drive, cook, go out with friends, plays cards, lives alone and is having a very good retirement. All that being said she's the type who wants to control certain people in the family. One being my wife. We aren't even retired and she has something to say about every time we do go somewhere. It better not be on anyone's birthday, Mother's Day, Father's Day ( even though he's passed), Memorial Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter.

She is treated very well by everyone of her kids. The guilt trip is disgusting in our opinion. She's enjoying hers life immensely in her Golden years. But forcing her demands on us gets on our nerves. We work and don't have the luxury to do everything we like. We made the mistake of taking her to Hawaii a couple times with us, needless to say the trip wasn't as exciting as we hoped it would be.

My wife was diagnosed with CLL late last spring. She hasn't told her mother because she'll drive her nuts. My MIL could outlive my wife. Bottom line, your parents have had there time on this earth. No one is saying ignore them. But you need to do what makes the two of you happy. You never know when it's your time and what you missed out on. This is what is planned for my wife and I. My wife and our happiness is paramount for whatever years she has left.

Jean S wrote:
After reading the many comments, we are going. We can't take her along, as one person suggested. We took her with us RVing a while back, before her vision issues, for a week. Nobody wants to do THAT, again!

We will call regularly, send gifts. We got her a computer with a huge screen and our son is trying to teach her about skype - which may or may not work out. We will come back occasionally. My husband has his own problems that are slowly physically disabling him. If we wait, we may never get to go.

Good for you! When "mom" dies she will die whether you are there are not. Just do what you plan and talk to her on Skype and send pictures and go for visits when you can. With your husband's health slowly failing you will later regret not going.