Yea, I just had to jump into the fray for the fun of it.
Correct, water isn't much of a lubricant particularly for these applications, for sure.
With the advances in lubrication and manufacturing, you are correct, there's no need for those older thick oils. We used to run either straight 30 wt or 10-40 in our vehicles then 10-30 became more common. I currently use 5-30 in our American vehicles, but the 2016 VW gasser is still an odd beast - it requires 5-40.
Per your comment regarding lifespan - in my late teenage years, I recall shopping for used cars. Anything that had 60-70K miles was considered "worn out", where 100K was pretty much unheard of. Again, you are correct - I regularly put around 200K on my vehicles before trading, and most of those have still had engines that didn't use a drop of oil. Other major things were failing, but the engines were just getting broken in..
Fun.