;)
Today: Finishing the floor.
One of the first things we did about 75 years ago when we first started this project, was to buy snap and lock manufactured wood flooring. Clearance. Or at least sale priced at the home center. Because it kind of fit our vision.
It is now installed, and I believe it is THE only FAUX Wood in the camper. We call it "alternative flooring", or "Fake Floor". Why? Because we can. We have many believers too! To us, it's the only real thing in the camper. Why? Because we say so, and only I can say it!
We learned long ago, real wood flooring is "too heavy" for some people. Gotta have a light weight version - instead of the 3/4" tongue and groove real oak slats - like we put in our home. Now THAT stuff can take a pounding, or major scuffing and still come out looking sweet with a simple sanding and refinishing.
Not for us, no sir! We want that thin veneer - actually a faux photo-paper finish - because we have found so many people will look at it and say, "Is that real wood?", and we say, "of course it is, all the rest of the wood in this camper is FAKE"! And check out the FAKE wood floor in our home! You simply CANNOT trust the Main-stream-Manufacturers (of wood), what we in the "bidness" call the MSM.
Plywood? Fake. Dimensional lumber? Fake. Real-wood Birch paneling? Fake. All Fake! The only real real wood? Manufactured flooring with photo-paper. Now when I count to three, you're going to wake up. But - there's a small percentage who will never wake up and for those simple souls, we just keep singing sleepy time songs - make them as comfortable in their coma as possible.
And because we didn't know exactly HOW much it was going to take, since we'd never really tried to convince people this stuff was real wood, we decided to buy TWO, count them - TWO boxes. You're just going to have to trust me! Believe Me! Because I forgot to take pictures. Believe Me! That's not good for me! And a lot of my friends are NOT happy with me. Believe Me!
As time went on, and we studied the potential effect this would have on people, we realized trying to convince you this was a real wood-strip floor, you know the kind, where all the lengths vary and you end up with lots of butt joints (end to end) in each run of strips. Well - it was gonna be a tough sell.
We thought perhaps a better look, kind of fitting the old log cabin feel of the camper we were trying to reach, it MIGHT be better to run the boards left to right, east and west. Shorten the long skinny illusion, and make it feel wider and not so long, like a floor space, not a hallway.
And no butt joints. That way, it would mimic a "plank floor" rather than a "strip floor". You know - make you "strip", and walk the "plank", if'n you don't buy in to our version of how it all went down.
And - it's NOT OFTEN you get a close look at "Real" FAUX Wood, so here's a shot.
Now don't dwell on that, you might wake up and leave the Matrix short-staffed.
Here's another shot from a comfortable distance. Much easier to believe this is REAL wood, because it's sparkly! Well, not exactly sparkly - yet. We're asking you not to dwell on it for the moment. Wait until we get our whole thing together - and then look at it. That way you won't have any adverse memories to get past. So pay no attention to the man behind the curtain for right now.
Kind of bland in its raw form isn't it? Were going to have to polish up this little turtle to make it more palatable.
Here's the fake plywood we're covering up - with all its historical veracity. Some of you, who aren't afraid of reading, may even remember those past events where hard fought battles were won against moss and dust which hath currupted, and hard long-suffering work was applied, day after day, and coat of primer over coat of primer. So - let's cover up all that hard work - of those who came before - and put our pretty little digital photo-paper finish over it! Lovely! Hide the ugly. Only the pretty need apply! Ooooommmmm.
The plank widths JUST about fit the floor length perfectly, except in these two places. First, where the door threshold will cover, a thin strip pushed into place - on both sides.
And here, requiring a butt joint because the material was too weak (manufactured fake wood is ALWAYS weaker than the TRUE stuff - but having said that, when the truth gets thin it needs JUST as much protection and tender treatment as you can give it).
It's beautiful!
But there's just something off. Don't you think?
Like it needs something to be believable.
The finish! That's it! It's "Semi-Gloss" or maybe even "Satin"! We used High-Gloss on everything else! Bingo!
Let's Gloss OVER this Fake Wood Floor!
Three coats of High-Gloss Poly later...
And THAT'S a Fake Floor to be Proud of!
