When we picked up our brand new TT, the black tank read full.....so much for accuracy. Believe our ROO HTT was 30 gallon capacity for each tank. The TT is more, but I don't fret about it as we always camp with at least water and electric and FHU when we can. For the 2 of us, we've only had the grey back up into the shower 1 time and that was when a friend insisted on "helping" wash dishes the night before....lots of water.
The general rule of thumb is to let the black tank get about 2/3 or more full before dumping, but we've just always dumped and thoroughly rinsed at the end of each weekend or if a longer trip, about 3 days. Main reason is we just don't like to haul around the extra weight. With the black tank, you need to be VERY generous with water to help make dumping more complete and the system work better in general. If we're going to be gone for more than a weekend or so, we do take the blue tote along just in case.
Re the grey tank backing up into the shower, if you notice the kitchen sink draining slowly, stop and check the shower. I was literally within about an inch of overflowing the shower when that happened and I'd not heard about it before. What a mess we would have had!
Re the black tank - when I do our Sunday morning cleanup - or whatever is our last day - I'm overly generous with water into the black. Just sometimes put a count of about 30 seconds of water running into the toilet a few times that morning...then I know there is plenty of water. If you don't have a clear fitting for your black tank hose, suggest you invest in one. A huge help in seeing when you're really finished dumping and if you have a clog somewhere in the line, you'll know it when virtually nothing is coming through.
So the answer to your question is that there really isn't an answer....depends on you, how you use the facilities, length of time you're out there, number and length of showers, how much dishwashing. Probably safe to assume you're good for 2 - 3 days with reasonable use, but you'll know after a few trips what your limits are. Happy Camping!