First off, Kudos to you for thinking ahead and looking at this.
Most vehicles when showing towing and payload numbers account for the driver when listing the info. So that may help a little. But yes, your SUV is anemic for most serious towing. A small (less than 10%) overage on the payload may be acceptable, but that is a personal call. You can do a few things to help with payload, such as spring or shock mods, but, your insurer may frown on those.
The best solution with your current family size is likely to be having a second vehicle and driver to carry the crew, while you carry the house.
