Tow vehicle for 3500 lbs

Going to say no to the Pathfinder. The VQ engine will have what it takes but I would be hesitant to tow with the continuously Variable transmission. I had a Murano with the same drive train and would tow a 1,000# Jet Ski. The CVT would slip under acceleration when towing. Before we got rid of it the transmission would slip going up grades or when passing with just passengers.

the 14rb weighs dry 550 lbs less than the 18rbt and 10 lbs less on the hitch weight.
have you ever weighed it loaded? what is your typical tongue weight loaded?

I plan on driving with all tanks empty (except for the propane which i probably need 1/2 full)

Not sure which is the lesser of two evils - pushing the limit on the tongue weight or the total payload.
Thanks

Either one, Pathfinder or Highlander, could handle it if you don't load too much junk in the back end or in the front of the trailer. Your fresh water tank is probably near the front (under the dinette seat maybe?) and if so, you should only travel with the tank 1/2 full or less. I towed a 14RB with my 2008 Highlander and it did well enough at 100kph (but I slowed down on mountain grades).

If you want to use a weight distributing hitch, I suggest the Andersen No-Sway. It is pretty light (about 60 lbs), it will help level your SUV, and it will smooth out the ride (less bouncing from the TT hitch levering up/down on the rear). I used one, mainly to improve the ride to please my wife, and it worked well. But weigh your TT tongue once you're loaded for camping to make sure you have the wiggle room for another 60 lbs.

I'm not that familiar with SUV, have you thought about a 1/2 ton pickup with a crew cab?

yes, it will leave me very little weight for cargo in the car and the trailer is limited as well.
Any suggestions for other tow vehicles?
I looked at the Highlander, but i think i will be pushing the limit in terms of tongue weight.

Thanks

That's the dry hitch weight, loaded will probably be more like 500#. Don't forget that the payload includes everything carried in the vehicle, not just the people so I suspect you will be pushing the limit.