Guilt about family left behind?

[ShellyJelly]

I am ready for us to quit our jobs, rent out both units in our two family house and live on the road...permanently...my husband (John) needs some convincing. Our son will be 24 this summer, so he doesn't need us to provide for him anymore. John's biggest concern seems to be not being here for his mom 75 & my parents mid 60's, we are in our 40's. It's not that they need us to for care for them, he says it's the guilt we will have if something happens and we aren't here.
I don't know if I'm being selfish or maybe ignorant. I just think WE could be sick or dead tomorrow, never mind everyone else. Do you think he has a valid reason not to leave?

[Nutinelse2do]

I am going to 2nd what toedtoes, and 2oldman said.

Living somewhere in a " camper " on the cheap, is a heck of alot different than living the fulltime lifestyle.
If you plan on selling your stuff, and taking off, you better have a lot in savings.

Fulltiming is not an inexpensive adventure. You still have all your regular expenses, plus alot more.

It may be time to grab a cocktail, sit down, and have a heart to heart with your hubby. Kinda sounds like a job change for you might be in order, to start, since you appear very unhappy with it.

Good luck with everything.

[ShellyJelly]

2oldman wrote:

ShellyJelly wrote:
I began researching ways to invest and ways to save. This brought me to thinking about living on less, to save more, to retire early. Frugal living research eventually brought me to blogs and vlogs about people living in different types of campers frugally. When I sat down with the numbers I thought- wow we could really do this.!

Yes, but can you do it for the next 30 years?

'Live in the now', 'live hard die young', 'do it while you can'.. all that stuff sounds nice, but the reality is far more different. You're only in your 40s. You better have a TON of money to pull this off.

I don't know if we can pull it off. Maybe we would sell our stuff leave our house and be back in 2 months, but maybe not. What I do know is my husband is not happy with our current situation either. So why not try? What are we going to lose?

[ShellyJelly]

toedtoes wrote:

ShellyJelly wrote:
Thank you to those of who shared their own experiences, and opinions about the question I asked, that is what I was hoping to for.
I would like to say I am sorry for those of you who have lost family, some are so recent, I hope I didn't bring you additional pain.

This started because I recently got a new job (was laid off for 1 year- loved it) and I had an 401k to rollover. I began researching ways to invest and ways to save. This brought me to thinking about living on less, to save more, to retire early. Frugal living research eventually brought me to blogs and vlogs about people living in different types of campers frugally. When I sat down with the numbers I thought- wow we could really do this.
I shared my thoughts with my husband about 5 days ago, he said I was crazy. I explained how I thought we could do it and then let it go. The next day, he was worried about leaving the family. That is how I ended up here, asking you. I don't know anyone who has had this experience.
This is just the beginning stage, if we were to do this it would certainly take more than a year of planning and preparing. We have repairs on the house and 15 years of stuff to deal with. I do all the planning so I appreciate all the points that were brought up, I came here to learn.
We got our camper because we needed time adventuring together and we thought it was a good choice to get away more often. Nine months ago I started this job, we work opposite shifts, have different days off & I have one week of vacation this year. 😞 Now that I know that we could possibly pull this off I am not sure I want to plan on living this current lifestyle until retirement, it costs too much.
Sorry for taking so long to respond, I worked til midnight (eastern time) plus it takes me forever to write this much. I do a lot of re-writing because I know I'm really bad at it, sorry about that I know it drives some people crazy!

Sounds to me like you should slow down. That's a HUGE change in lifestyle you're proposing and you've given your husband 5 days to commit... (I know you've been thinking about it for a while, but you've given him 5 days).

Why not talk to your husband about your dissatisfaction with the current situation and ask him for help? The reality is, after having spent time not working, YOU discovered you really liked it - but your husband hasn't had the same experience as you. Yet you are asking him to jump on board with a plan that is drastically different from your life - in 5 days' time.

Also, retiring and choosing to full-time is a LOT different than changing your lifestyle by choosing to live "frugally" in a camper.

I do get a bit obsessed when I start researching something that I am interested in. But I am not asking him to jump on board, I am asking him to think about about it. "Why not talk to your husband about your dissatisfaction with the current situation and ask him for help?" That is why I initiated the conversation.

[jnharley]

As full timers, the only location we put off was a trip to Alaska. We felt that was too far for us to go. Things happen that you cannot control. Our parents always knew our love for them so being there at the end did not matter.

[ShellyJelly]

DianneOK wrote:
I will tell you why we fulltimed....we retired early, 54....we were the only ones out of 7 siblings who could be available if we were needed. Everyone was scattered all over the country. So we sold everything, traveled and in between we cared for parents. It worked well,( even tho we were chastised when we were 3000 miles away, and would not instantly hop on a flight and tend to a parent who had a "SPELL" of imaginary crisis....)

We were able to tend a parent dying of mesothelioma, another of pancreatic cancer.
It worked for us.....

I am glad it worked ok for you, even with the issues.
I have 3 siblings, 3 of us are within 6 min drive to my parents home the 4th is 25 minutes away. They retired 6-7 years ago, they always traveled and now are snow birds. When I was laid off we spent much of our free time with them. I think their retirement and my layoff actually contributed to my current feelings, I am jealous of their freedom! If anything happened with them I think two of my siblings could be depended on for additional support.
My husband is one of two, his sibling is across country, his father passed away years ago. As far as additional support that would be given financially, but visits would be what I would call "stabilizing". Come for the crisis, then leave. And in my opinion there is nothing wrong with that! That is basically what I want to do. His mom and her sisters are very close, so she would not be alone, but she would say she is, she already does. She would not support us leaving at all.

[4X4Dodger]

All of this advice is well and good...but what your Husband REALLY wants and NEEDS is for his Mother to tell him it's alright and GO.

Nothing else will work to ease his concerns.

[toedtoes]

ShellyJelly wrote:
Thank you to those of who shared their own experiences, and opinions about the question I asked, that is what I was hoping to for.
I would like to say I am sorry for those of you who have lost family, some are so recent, I hope I didn't bring you additional pain.

This started because I recently got a new job (was laid off for 1 year- loved it) and I had an 401k to rollover. I began researching ways to invest and ways to save. This brought me to thinking about living on less, to save more, to retire early. Frugal living research eventually brought me to blogs and vlogs about people living in different types of campers frugally. When I sat down with the numbers I thought- wow we could really do this.
I shared my thoughts with my husband about 5 days ago, he said I was crazy. I explained how I thought we could do it and then let it go. The next day, he was worried about leaving the family. That is how I ended up here, asking you. I don't know anyone who has had this experience.
This is just the beginning stage, if we were to do this it would certainly take more than a year of planning and preparing. We have repairs on the house and 15 years of stuff to deal with. I do all the planning so I appreciate all the points that were brought up, I came here to learn.
We got our camper because we needed time adventuring together and we thought it was a good choice to get away more often. Nine months ago I started this job, we work opposite shifts, have different days off & I have one week of vacation this year. 😞 Now that I know that we could possibly pull this off I am not sure I want to plan on living this current lifestyle until retirement, it costs too much.
Sorry for taking so long to respond, I worked til midnight (eastern time) plus it takes me forever to write this much. I do a lot of re-writing because I know I'm really bad at it, sorry about that I know it drives some people crazy!

Sounds to me like you should slow down. That's a HUGE change in lifestyle you're proposing and you've given your husband 5 days to commit... (I know you've been thinking about it for a while, but you've given him 5 days).

Why not talk to your husband about your dissatisfaction with the current situation and ask him for help? The reality is, after having spent time not working, YOU discovered you really liked it - but your husband hasn't had the same experience as you. Yet you are asking him to jump on board with a plan that is drastically different from your life - in 5 days' time.

Also, retiring and choosing to full-time is a LOT different than changing your lifestyle by choosing to live "frugally" in a camper.

[2oldman]

ShellyJelly wrote:
I began researching ways to invest and ways to save. This brought me to thinking about living on less, to save more, to retire early. Frugal living research eventually brought me to blogs and vlogs about people living in different types of campers frugally. When I sat down with the numbers I thought- wow we could really do this.!

Yes, but can you do it for the next 30 years?

'Live in the now', 'live hard die young', 'do it while you can'.. all that stuff sounds nice, but the reality is far more different. You're only in your 40s. You better have a TON of money to pull this off.

[darsben]

Rice wrote:

darsben wrote:
You could stay home 50 weeks a year and take a 2 week cruise. During those 2 weeks your tragedy could happen.

TELL YOUR 24 Y/O SON TO POUND SALT.

By all means read the post you're responding to. Her son is not the sticking point; it's her husband who doesn't want to do it.

Hondavalk wrote:
Yes he has a valid reason, he doesn't want to do it! You on the other hand have a valid reason because this is what you want to do. Neither of you are right or wrong but it is something the two of you are going to have to work out between the two of you and not on an internet forum looking for a majority vote.

Exactly.

I missed the parenthesis and read it as John was the son.

[DianneOK]

I will tell you why we fulltimed....we retired early, 54....we were the only ones out of 7 siblings who could be available if we were needed. Everyone was scattered all over the country. So we sold everything, traveled and in between we cared for parents. It worked well,( even tho we were chastised when we were 3000 miles away, and would not instantly hop on a flight and tend to a parent who had a "SPELL" of imaginary crisis....)

We were able to tend a parent dying of mesothelioma, another of pancreatic cancer.
It worked for us.....

[ShellyJelly]

2oldman wrote:
I'd just like to see the post title words rearranged in proper order.

I figured out how to fix it.. Thanks!

[ShellyJelly]

Thank you to those of who shared their own experiences, and opinions about the question I asked, that is what I was hoping to for.
I would like to say I am sorry for those of you who have lost family, some are so recent, I hope I didn't bring you additional pain.

This started because I recently got a new job (was laid off for 1 year- loved it) and I had an 401k to rollover. I began researching ways to invest and ways to save. This brought me to thinking about living on less, to save more, to retire early. Frugal living research eventually brought me to blogs and vlogs about people living in different types of campers frugally. When I sat down with the numbers I thought- wow we could really do this.
I shared my thoughts with my husband about 5 days ago, he said I was crazy. I explained how I thought we could do it and then let it go. The next day, he was worried about leaving the family. That is how I ended up here, asking you. I don't know anyone who has had this experience.
This is just the beginning stage, if we were to do this it would certainly take more than a year of planning and preparing. We have repairs on the house and 15 years of stuff to deal with. I do all the planning so I appreciate all the points that were brought up, I came here to learn.
We got our camper because we needed time adventuring together and we thought it was a good choice to get away more often. Nine months ago I started this job, we work opposite shifts, have different days off & I have one week of vacation this year. 😞 Now that I know that we could possibly pull this off I am not sure I want to plan on living this current lifestyle until retirement, it costs too much.
Sorry for taking so long to respond, I worked til midnight (eastern time) plus it takes me forever to write this much. I do a lot of re-writing because I know I'm really bad at it, sorry about that I know it drives some people crazy!

[dahkota]

We were 47 when we hit the road. DH wasn't sure he wanted to full time so we rented out the house until he decided if he liked it. After 6 months on the road, we went back and sold the house and have been full timing ever since.

Both our mothers lived in the area and were in their 70s. We went anyway. Since then, one has moved to Arizona and the other lives with her daughter. They are both happy and we talk to them often, more often than when we worked and lived there.

Bring up the subject with the parents and ask their opinions. They might surprise you. Try a trial period - 3 months or 6 months - let your husband set the boundaries.

[toedtoes]

Walaby wrote:

Hondavalk wrote:
Yes he has a valid reason, he doesn't want to do it! You on the other hand have a valid reason because this is what you want to do. Neither of you are right or wrong but it is something the two of you are going to have to work out between the two of you and not on an internet forum looking for a majority vote.

The perfect answer.

No one on this forum is qualified to give you any other answer. I don't mean to be harsh, but this is a decision for you and your husband. Not for a forum to vote one way or another or justify one way or another.

This seems like a personal decision/issue and if it were me, I would not be happy having it shared and debated with strangers.

Mike

I agree. Your husband has a right to his feelings and desires (or lack thereof) - just as you have a right to yours. Neither is wrong, they're just different.

You need to find a way to work with him and find a compromise that will work for you both - rather than saying "see, people think you should stop feeling guilty and go". Personal experience: comments like "don't get stressed", "don't feel guilty", etc., only piss the person off - they don't help them with their stress or guilt.

[BarbaraOK]

fla-gypsy wrote:
A 75 year old mother would require some assistance but there are ways to provide it without being on site. Otherwise enjoy life and pursue happiness.

Excuse me. 75 is old? You mean we can only RV a couple more years and must hang up the keys. My mother is still going at 94 - everyone is different.