Guilt about family left behind?

ShellyJelly wrote:

My apologies if I misunderstood your intentions. Originally I asked a question about my husband wanting to stay because of family. I didn't know how to help ease his mind. I wanted to know if people had regrets about loss. Somehow it turned into judgement, belittling and jumping to conclusions. I thought your statement was coming from a place of superiority and I guess it was just the proverbial straw. I guess this is why I don't post in forums.

I don't see any judgement, belittling or jumping to conclusions. I see people trying to offer advice/suggestions to what you've posted.

The fact is, you can't "ease his mind". Only he can do that. What you can do is talk about options, compromises, and/or alternatives with him and see if you can find something that will work better.

Maybe moving to a smaller house and reducing your expenses so you can live on one salary can alleviate the dissatisfaction you have. Maybe changing to a part-time job that allows you more flexibility to enjoy your camper more?

It seems like when folks get "tired" of the rat race (I include myself in this), they want to get rid of it all. In reality, it usually doesn't need to be that drastic - just a re-prioritization of what is important in your life can fix the problem; without losing everything you've built in the process.

I also think that people forget to be empathetic. While Mom and Dad might not "need" you, that doesn't mean they don't have fears. Having their structure changed on them can bring out issues that never showed before - and yes, having adult children who have always been near decide to move away or travel extensively IS changing the parents' structure. It's not that adult children shouldn't go do their own thing, live their own lives - but people are interconnected and what you do has a big impact on others in your life. It's kind of funny that we hear complaints about people not being considerate of others (generator noises, barking dogs, screaming children, and so on), but when the question comes up about full-timing and family guilt it's always "you only live once", "it's your life", "don't let them dictate" regardless of the reason behind the family guilt (sure, some parents will milk it, but most really do have fears about being old and alone). My Dad always thought you should do what you want and would have never thought to deny any of us our freedom - but when he reached the age where death became a reality, his fears outweighed his sense of "it's your life do what you want".