Mid Life Crisis Or Just Ready To Live?
Ya know what...it's clear now that some have utterly missed the actual question and gotten the seriously off the wall impression this was a dire, desperate sort of question when it wasn't. If you a...
Forum Discussion
I remarried when my son was that age. I explained in detail what I wanted to do and why. He said, "I'm a big boy, Dad. You do what you need to do." That, of course, is what I wanted to hear. As it turned out, however, he was saying what he thought (knew) I wanted to hear. He was trying to be a "good little soldier" for me.
I wish I had spent more time digging into his feelings about the situation. I failed him there. The result was several years of separation between us and several years of rejection of my wife. That has all been resolved now, but there was a lot of pain along the way.
I only relate this story to encourage you to be sure you know your son's true feelings. Boys at that age want to be "grown up," but they don't always know what that means. Sometimes, they think it means being "tough" in spite of feeling that their world is falling apart. The result can be a deep seated resentment that even they don't expect.
I hope you are a more sensitive parent than I was and can communicate freely and in depth with your boy. He will probably survive whatever decision you make, but he has had a lot of misery in his 16 years with the break up of the marriage (no matter how justified it may have been). I encourage you to be very sure you look at things from his perspective and ask pointed questions about what he is feeling/experiencing. You are the mom, but his life and development are still your primary responsibility, and he is old enough that his feelings should count. I wish you both joy in whatever the two of you decide. I will pray for you to have wisdom and sensitivity.
I wish I had spent more time digging into his feelings about the situation. I failed him there. The result was several years of separation between us and several years of rejection of my wife. That has all been resolved now, but there was a lot of pain along the way.
I only relate this story to encourage you to be sure you know your son's true feelings. Boys at that age want to be "grown up," but they don't always know what that means. Sometimes, they think it means being "tough" in spite of feeling that their world is falling apart. The result can be a deep seated resentment that even they don't expect.
I hope you are a more sensitive parent than I was and can communicate freely and in depth with your boy. He will probably survive whatever decision you make, but he has had a lot of misery in his 16 years with the break up of the marriage (no matter how justified it may have been). I encourage you to be very sure you look at things from his perspective and ask pointed questions about what he is feeling/experiencing. You are the mom, but his life and development are still your primary responsibility, and he is old enough that his feelings should count. I wish you both joy in whatever the two of you decide. I will pray for you to have wisdom and sensitivity.
