Mid Life Crisis Or Just Ready To Live?

Oh, honey, we need to talk.

I was tossed out by my husband of 34 years with no clue it was coming (although I *should* have been less trusting and read the writing on the wall) and went through months of agony. As Churchill said, "When you're going through hell, keep going," and that's what I did: got a conversion van, divested myself of most of my possessions, packed up the cats, and hit the road.

You're taking an incredibly brave step. Live, girl, live!

A midlife crisis is dumping your wife for a young honey. Living is something entirely different.

Message me if you want to talk. Good luck to you!

slow down Girl!!!

You can do the RV life if you want,,, No worries there. Its just a different lifestyle....

It depends all on the financial situation... And home schooling vs schools...

Let us know that and we can guide you further...

Do you have an income to support this lifestyle, and/or do you even know how much it would cost per month or per year?

There are RV groups doing exactly what you're talking about doing. Here are two good ones. There are others.

http://www.lonersonwheels.com/



http://www.escapees.com/solos/



Twenty Years From Now You Will Be More Disappointed By The Things You Didn’t Do Than By The Ones You Did Do


Go for it. Don't let the naysayers get in your way.

Pencil it out. Do your research. I have observed "the Golden years" does not always pan out. Could be a great adventure. Can you home school your son. How does he feel about this?

Interesting thoughts..........OK I'm thinking that given all the trauma your family has recently gone through you need to think a bit more about what YOU want to do rather than look for validation thru a group of people you already know have a decided bias. You seem to be betwixt and between a 30 year old dream of owning an RV and providing a stable base for your children and your old age.

The "you" part is certainly important given that your youngest is 16. Not many more years that the children will be around. They move out just like you did from your parents.

Since you feel you are depressed I'd suggest getting medical help for that problem before making any further life altering plans.

May you be your best.

Oh and just as a heads up: Been there done that and moved on. Currently, my kiddos love and respect me, and have little to no contact w/ their dad. I'm sorry for them but secretly laugh deeply w/i my self.

Basically, I'm happy, spiritually and financially and surely didn't think that was possible decades back.

@cruisingat60

Thanks and I may absolutely take you up on that. I'd love to hear your story too :) Mine didn't kick me out. He about bankrupted us though and I divorced him (won everything) and struggled another 2 years while he dodged support enforcement. The last year I just decided to take a year off from the BS and regroup. We've got an ideal set up but I'm watching my life drain away on top of the dread I'll end up dying while living at home with my parents. My worst nightmare.

When I think of going with an RV/camper full time, it makes me smile, breathe in, die happy. I just feel done with all the typical nonsense thrust at me constantly, and keep fighting it. I don't see the point in all this constant struggle to maintain a lifestyle I don't actually want.

I wouldn't have a shred of a problem with full time van living but it's impractical with a 16 y/o and a cat. Never had a problem ditching my "stuff", freeing up and taking off - which is why an RV was always my dream home. My son will go along with it, and it's not the worst experience he could have but I am battling the doubts that the family/friends would be right and I'm "subjecting" him to "prolonged homelessness" and "people" and all that. I supposed their idea of full time rv life is equivalent to driving to an abandoned farm road and never seeing another soul ;-p But then I think when he's my age he'll look back on that and tell his friends his mom got it right and he'll remember the freedom and how it shaped his real life to come once he moves onto his own, how it'll make him far more independent and self reliant before he turns 18...if I died today he'd never make it on his own. The family would intervene and take over.

Full time RV he could survive and overcome.

But this doubt battle is killing me!


Re HOMESCHOOL - we do that and have for years, it's a non issue, he's adapted and good to go

Re FINANCES - I haven't made it to the stage of financial planning for it because it's getting the cart before the horse...I don't know for sure I'll make the decision to go full time or RV at all. I might talk myself out of it yet...which is why I'm here...to see realistic expectations and anxieties. That said, I have a monthly income and will be increasing it. I've also been looking much more seriously into "portable" kinds of work, and things my son can ultimately do - so I am still taking this seriously as a contending option!

Re Golden Years - please don't kill me off at 50...I so do not want this to be my mid life crisis! I'm hoping it'll be when I start trying to have sex with 23 year olds!

I don't see this as "retirement" or any golden pond thing. I see it as extricating myself from an enforced lifestyle I never wanted. Living simply. Focusing on the daily experience and not planning an entire month around what bills must be paid to keep the lights on. I'm happy with a solar oven and candles. Though I'm gonna need the internet 24/7 and hot water. I can even handle dry camping here and there, boondocking, and being a nomad. I can cram a lot into small spaces as much as I can live simply. The up side is through the post divorce transition my son has had to downgrade a lot too and has adapted to living with less. I hate it but it could still be a good thing if presented the right way - so he doesn't define himself by his stuff.

I also know he hasn't experienced it so any protesting is him being anxious about it being so different more than fearful it'll wreck his life. Other people are getting in my head I think and I'm worrying maybe this will wreck his life before it gets started...

Thanks for the comments.

I think you have a terrific idea of RVing. We've met many, many single women who full-time. As noted above, check out the RVing Singles clubs. They are definitely not dating services. They are singles who just enjoy having fun.

The only obstacle I see is your 16 year old son. He's probably a junior in high school which can be a difficult age. Does he have stable long-time friends? If so, that would be very hard for him to leave.

One solution since you want to get out of your parent's house soon, is if you had a campground or even a kid-friendly mobile home park nearby (sometimes they let RVers stay,too), then talk to your son in-depth and explain your feelings to him and why you want to do this. If he agrees with living in an RV for two more years until he finishes school, then really try to stay in his present school district so he's not uprooted from his friends and things he's comfortable with. During school breaks perhaps both of you could take a small trip to let him understand what your future intentions will be like.

I really hope this works out for you. I know that when you're on your own you'll have a lot more confidence in yourself. There are many workamper jobs out there or even volunteering at national or state parks will at least pay for your campsite and give you a feeling that you're really helping out. It can be done. Good luck to you!

2gypsies wrote:
I think you have a terrific idea of RVing. We've met many, many single women who full-time. As noted above, check out the RVing Singles clubs. They are definitely not dating services. They are singles who just enjoy having fun.

The only obstacle I see is your 16 year old son. He's probably a junior in high school which can be a difficult age. Does he have stable long-time friends? If so, that would be very hard for him to leave.

One solution since you want to get out of your parent's house soon, is if you had a campground or even a kid-friendly mobile home park nearby (sometimes they let RVers stay,too), then talk to your son in-depth and explain your feelings to him and why you want to do this. If he agrees with living in an RV for two more years until he finishes school, then really try to stay in his present school district so he's not uprooted from his friends and things he's comfortable with. During school breaks perhaps both of you could take a small trip to let him understand what your future intentions will be like.

I really hope this works out for you. I know that when you're on your own you'll have a lot more confidence in yourself. There are many workamper jobs out there or even volunteering at national or state parks will at least pay for your campsite and give you a feeling that you're really helping out. It can be done. Good luck to you!

The divorce wrecked his longer term friendships and that was a few years ago. He's adapted and keeps in touch with them via online since we're not in the same state. The school thing isn't an issue though. He's perfectly happy to be uprooted from his grandparents though ;-p

I think the big issue with him isn't the RV life as much as he got used to the nice upper middle class lifestyle, nice house, toys and cool stuff, then his father had a meltdown and bankrupted us so when we lost it all, he lost all that too. It got to a point temporarily where we had to just unload most everything to make a cross country trip and we both hated it. I had 10 grand worth of furniture I LOVED but eh...for me, it's okay. I don't attach to "stuff" like that.

So when we leave here, he's anxious about suffering that kind of "loss" and instability. It may well be that once I figure out how to adjust that conflict I can move forward. Living in an RV full time for the experience and the ways it'll enrich his life for as long as he lives at "home" with me vs the idea that living in an RV full time means he's homeless and has nothing. See where I'm having trouble with it?

I don't know how to reconcile it for him. Any help would be greatly welcome...because honestly just writing it then is the first time it actually came out more fully formed than the swirling dread and apprehension without a face as it's been doing. So progress! That's good! I see the problem clearly suddenly.

First, none of us that fulltime are homeless. We are houseless, but we all live in our HOME.

Second, do you plan to travel and how will you finance it?

Third, what are your son's plans when he finishes school - college, military, work?

You need to get that information and then involve him in the process. I wouldn't suggest a van, but an older Class C or Class A, pulling a car behind, might be just the ticket. Or possibly a 5th wheel if driving a big pickup as your daily driver would work for you. Have him help in finding RV Shows to go to to see what is available and to find RV dealers to go to in order to see what might be available in your area. There are lots of people who put budgets up so you can see what some people spend on fulltiming. Some do well on $2000 a month or less, some struggle on $6000 a month or more.


BTW - pets do just fine fulltiming.

And no, what you are thinking about doing isn't way out of line or off the wall.

Barb