Torn between full time RVing and aging parents.

[Jean_S]

We have just retired. Our house will be on the market in a few weeks and we plan to hit the road. The only real problem is my husband's mother. She is 91, in an excellent assisted living facility, and suffers from macular degeneration. Other than that, tho, she's actually healthier than my husband is. On one hand, if we don't grab the next few years for our RV dream, we may never get to do it at all. On the other hand, she is very angry at being "abandoned" and wants us to wait "until she's gone" before we sell the house and travel. We have pointed out that our son and his family are less than 3 miles away, that she does have another son she can move closer to, that we will still call regularly, that we can be on a plane back here within hours, and that my husband's health is deteriorating, but she is still upset.

How have others dealt with this?

[Steve_S1]

Take her with you,she's your mother after all!
How would you feel if she died while you were on the road?

[RoadXYZ]

Your and your husband have a DREAM and I say go for it .. we have talked to too many people who also had the dream we have and didn't do anything about living their dream and now regret it ...

I hear you though my MIL didn't want her daughter to move 4 states away, and she prayed, prayed, and prayed some more, but the house sold anyway, they bought another house where they wanted to live, and have enjoyed being near their family .. they kept in contact with MIL and she did forgive them eventually.

LIVE YOUR DREAM while you can ...

[doxiemom11]

Go while you can. My MIL lived to be just a month shy of 103 yrs old. You never know- if you wait, you could be waiting for another 12 years, or longer. You only live once. Take your retirement - go where you want and call often!

[2oldman]

I vote with Go, esp since hubby's time is limited. She'll get over it.

And don't let the guilt ruin your time!

[Water-Bug]

GO !!!!

[i2amanobody]

Lot's of good advice and all of it for you to go and enjoy yourselves on the road. PLEASE GO!!!!!! You can always call on a regular basis and stop by on holidays, etc. You have a son just minutes away in case of an emergency.

We were also going to go full time, but it is not going to happen. This last year I was caring for my 94 year old mother in her home. She was in denial about going to assisted living. I lived aways away and would fly in very, very regularly. The stress cause me cascading health issues including blood clots to the lungs and heart, kidney issues and now fighting COPD. The health issues came up very fast and it was no fun sitting in the hospital being told I was extremely lucky.

We only get one shot at life, please take it and go. How quickly things can change. Your Mom will do fine as she is in a very good facility.

GO!

[rwm2_2000]

I lost my entire family in the last 7 yrs.... I'm glad I was here and I know they were but you have to make that decision.

[amandasgramma]

We have similar problem.......my mother is 85.....in really good health, but has had a crisis or two in last year (fell, broke her arm & doc. overdosed her). I regularly (at home) got 4-5 phone calls a day. We wanted to come to Arizona for the winter. She has whined, pouted, tried a guilt trip to get us to stay home/come home. Now she calls and is all upset because the weather is horrible and she worries about us. The weather......we in western Arizona.......one rainstorm................:) We debated and debated and finally decided WE weren't getting any younger and mom has her husband to take care of her (he's younger and in good health). She refused to speak to me for first few weeks. Now she's accepted it but still tries to guilt trip me (the calls about the weather and now upset because we aren't going to be there for Christmas --- last Christmas THEY were gone..so it's not like I'm changing a whole family dynamic). My point is....we're enjoying the heck out of ourselves, mom is surviving fine. I agree with others --- GO and enjoy yourself...especially if your husband's health is bad. Expect her to pull all kinds of things......but she may surprise you and accept it.

[SDcampowneroper]

Guilt complexes are the oldest form of control. They never work for long, inevitably cause harm to the relationship.
I admire your concern for her.
Make this your time- while you can

[sdianel_-acct_c]

What a difficult decision. I know how you feel. She may live to be 100 and if so, God Bless her. However you only are young enough to travel once. Many elderly parents feel "abandoned" when children move away for jobs or decide to full time. Make sure your husband explains how important this is to him and the reasons you are considering it (his declining ability). I think once you make the decision she will want what's best for you. Call her often and check in with the other sibling and the care provider to make sure she is doing well. You are right, you can fly home if an emergency arises.

[gbopp]

Go and enjoy traveling while you can. You don't know what life will hand you tomorrow.

[Jay_Pat]

Maybe you can "do both"!
I'm guessing there is plenty for you and your hubby to see in Florida. Go out for a week and return for a few days. Let the trips duration slowly, increase.
If she can't read, hopefully a friend could read letters you could send her. Telling what you have seen. Take pictures. They are easy to add to a computer typed letter. Tell her about the people you meet. All while swinging by to visit for a few days ever so often.

Call her as often as you do now.
I'm sure there may be plenty of other ideas. Just some to get you started.
Going for a "everyone wins!!
Wish you the best!!
Pat

[PapPappy]

Start your travels closer to home.....circling out away, as time goes on, so that she becomes used to longer and longer spells without you near by.

I would think, that your mother would really not want you to ruin your lives because of her...and while that is a bit of an exaggeration, that is what she is asking. You yourself said that it may very well be that you only have the next couple of years, and that you won't be living until you and DH are in your 90's....and of course, you wouldn't be traveling as much then either.

Depending on your RV, and your abilities, you may even want to take Mom on a trip with you for a week or so, to show her what you are doing.

Good luck.....and I, like everyone else, suggest you live your own lives, and hit the road! Guilt is brutal, but it's not a real chain that can hold you to your house!

[Spleenstomper]

Old people don't like change. Of course she is going to say don't go.

Go. This is your retirement. I'm sure you will go back home if she takes a turn or whatnot. It isn't like you are going to disappear. Reassure her that she has people around to take care of her and issues and then go and enjoy yourself.

[Crowe]

Go.