OP, your unique and rather eclectic “requirements” basically aren’t possible if you’re also going by the numbers.
You’ve obviously researched trucks, suvs and vans already.
What late model, “magic” vehicle do you think the members here are going to invent out of thin air for your “needs?”
The last vehicles that checked your boxes are 10+ year old Suburban 2500s and 20 year old Ford excursions. although both s uck at towing a 5 ton high profile trailer compared to an average late model 1/2 ton pickup or suv, for power.
