Unique situation: What tow vehicle checks all the boxes?

And great suggestions above ^, IF the OP didn't say that even removeable 3rd row seating vs fold down seating was a deal killer.
That strongly implies that the OP (wife) frequently must need the 3rd row seating as well. Which, by default, kills the pickup truck idea.

NOW, since the OP has changed the "requirements" he needs to meet a bit, late model big suvs are back in the game if he can handle the tongue weight of the trailer with them.