ShellyJelly
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Re: Guilt about family left behind?
FULLTIMEWANABE wrote: Remember the saying ........... How do you eat a whole elephant? One bite at a time. As with all big life altering goals and coming to terms with adjustments etc, it's sometimes best to break them down into little pieces and triumph over one piece at a time. Is there a way you can discuss with your husband about doing extended after extended trips. We started RVing in the late 90's, initially cramming in lots of long weekends, a 10/12 day Easter trip and then adding in on top of those one 3/4week summer trip until lately we do three 4 to 8 week trips a year and few long weekends within a couple of hours of home base. I truly believe this has helped "me" (hubby is a fly by the seat of his pants, let's just do it type of guy) come around to giving up everything to go FT in less than a year now. I've met many folks over the years that emigrated from the UK to Canada where the wife unsure (sometimes the husband but most often wife), just took an initial 1 year leave of absence from their "great benefits" UK job, and then had to make a decision to terminate and stay or go back after the year. For most they stayed in Canada, but an odd one or two did end up going back to their homeland, friends and family and secured in mindset job = personalities are individual and that we should never forget! Not trying to say you are by any means but .......... If you railroad your husband into doing what you really want, the chances are strong that it is a disaster in the making, as he too has his "needs, wants and desires". Can you not come up with a compromise where, psychologically it doesn't feel such a "be all and end all" type of situation to him? You might be shocked that in the long term he embraces the lifestyle even moreso than you do given time and dipping his toe in the water initially. One thing that's only been mentioned a couple of times but needs to be stressed is the finances to live FT in an RV, for it to at least live up to your expectations regarding travelling, moving etc. If you end up unable to move due to costs or having to take soul destroying work positions you don't enjoy just to keep food in your tummy's then this will just compound any other issues you may have. For sure, be confident without a shadow of a doubt that you can achieve your FTing goals for a few years at best and that doing so will not be at detriment to your future retirement years in maybe less than stellar health. There is definitely no right or wrong way for any of us to live our lives as we are all of different natures and personalities which is what makes us all unique, but there has to be some middle ground compromise and expectations as a couple to ensure ongoing harmony. As for a parent making you feel guilty about leaving, that is totally unacceptable. Our children don't owe us anything whatsoever, they never ever asked to be born! We all have children for our own selfish reasons, and we owe them, never the other way around. We have a duty to set them up in life, knowing generally right from wrong, teach them how to become independent standing on their own two feet, grow within themselves, become an asset to society, and show empathy where warranted for others. Above all to lead a happy, healthy and loving life. We would never ever expect our children to put their lives on hold for us, and encourage them all the time to grab the bull by the horns so to speak. However, being "their parents", we would be there to support them as long as we are able, always with the premise of teaching them to fish not just giving them fish. It sounds like you and your hubby need to seriously sit down and discuss "pros and cons" of going FT from all aspects and both viewpoints, as well trying to address the compromises that you "each as individuals" are prepared to make. Happy Travels......... wherever there's a strong enough will, there is always a way! FTW. PS: For what it's worth, I've wanted to retire from the second day after I started work and that was four decades plus ago (LOL). Our compromise has been taking more and longer extended trips whilst saving towards the "highlight of our twilight" hopefully to start real soon now. Thank you for your thoughtful post. You have been very lucky to be able to take your extended trips, I hope that you will reach your savings goal very soon.380Views0likes0CommentsRe: Guilt about family left behind?
Nutinelse2do wrote: ShellyJelly wrote: Nutinelse2do wrote: I am going to 2nd what toedtoes, and 2oldman said. Living somewhere in a " camper " on the cheap, is a heck of alot different than living the fulltime lifestyle. If you plan on selling your stuff, and taking off, you better have a lot in savings. Fulltiming is not an inexpensive adventure. You still have all your regular expenses, plus alot more. It may be time to grab a cocktail, sit down, and have a heart to heart with your hubby. Kinda sounds like a job change for you might be in order, to start, since you appear very unhappy with it. Good luck with everything. "Living somewhere in a "camper" on the cheap is a heck of alot different than living the full-time lifestyle" jeez really? Last time I checked an rv was a mobile home, I am assuming that full-time means permanently living in it. Am I wrong? It has a different definition, depending on who you ask, and it has been a frequent topic on this forum. My statement was regarding EXPENSES. Yes, you can plunk your camper down at an rv park, or trailer park somewhere, and it will be much cheaper than living in a house. If you plan on traveling alot, and seeing and doing things, it is usually more expensive than a house. You have all your regular expenses... Internet, medical insurance, food, television, etc. To that, if you travel, add in fuel, maintenance, propane, roadside assistance, rv park fees, etc, then it can get very expensive. I was trying to be helpful, but since you took offense to it, good luck with your venture. My apologies if I misunderstood your intentions. Originally I asked a question about my husband wanting to stay because of family. I didn't know how to help ease his mind. I wanted to know if people had regrets about loss. Somehow it turned into judgement, belittling and jumping to conclusions. I thought your statement was coming from a place of superiority and I guess it was just the proverbial straw. I guess this is why I don't post in forums.382Views0likes0CommentsRe: Guilt about family left behind?
Nutinelse2do wrote: I am going to 2nd what toedtoes, and 2oldman said. Living somewhere in a " camper " on the cheap, is a heck of alot different than living the fulltime lifestyle. If you plan on selling your stuff, and taking off, you better have a lot in savings. Fulltiming is not an inexpensive adventure. You still have all your regular expenses, plus alot more. It may be time to grab a cocktail, sit down, and have a heart to heart with your hubby. Kinda sounds like a job change for you might be in order, to start, since you appear very unhappy with it. Good luck with everything. "Living somewhere in a "camper" on the cheap is a heck of alot different than living the full-time lifestyle" jeez really? Last time I checked an rv was a mobile home, I am assuming that full-time means permanently living in it. Am I wrong?381Views0likes0CommentsRe: Guilt about family left behind?
2oldman wrote: ShellyJelly wrote: I began researching ways to invest and ways to save. This brought me to thinking about living on less, to save more, to retire early. Frugal living research eventually brought me to blogs and vlogs about people living in different types of campers frugally. When I sat down with the numbers I thought- wow we could really do this.! Yes, but can you do it for the next 30 years? 'Live in the now', 'live hard die young', 'do it while you can'.. all that stuff sounds nice, but the reality is far more different. You're only in your 40s. You better have a TON of money to pull this off. I don't know if we can pull it off. Maybe we would sell our stuff leave our house and be back in 2 months, but maybe not. What I do know is my husband is not happy with our current situation either. So why not try? What are we going to lose?200Views0likes0CommentsRe: Guilt about family left behind?
toedtoes wrote: ShellyJelly wrote: Thank you to those of who shared their own experiences, and opinions about the question I asked, that is what I was hoping to for. I would like to say I am sorry for those of you who have lost family, some are so recent, I hope I didn't bring you additional pain. This started because I recently got a new job (was laid off for 1 year- loved it) and I had an 401k to rollover. I began researching ways to invest and ways to save. This brought me to thinking about living on less, to save more, to retire early. Frugal living research eventually brought me to blogs and vlogs about people living in different types of campers frugally. When I sat down with the numbers I thought- wow we could really do this. I shared my thoughts with my husband about 5 days ago, he said I was crazy. I explained how I thought we could do it and then let it go. The next day, he was worried about leaving the family. That is how I ended up here, asking you. I don't know anyone who has had this experience. This is just the beginning stage, if we were to do this it would certainly take more than a year of planning and preparing. We have repairs on the house and 15 years of stuff to deal with. I do all the planning so I appreciate all the points that were brought up, I came here to learn. We got our camper because we needed time adventuring together and we thought it was a good choice to get away more often. Nine months ago I started this job, we work opposite shifts, have different days off & I have one week of vacation this year. :( Now that I know that we could possibly pull this off I am not sure I want to plan on living this current lifestyle until retirement, it costs too much. Sorry for taking so long to respond, I worked til midnight (eastern time) plus it takes me forever to write this much. I do a lot of re-writing because I know I'm really bad at it, sorry about that I know it drives some people crazy! Sounds to me like you should slow down. That's a HUGE change in lifestyle you're proposing and you've given your husband 5 days to commit... (I know you've been thinking about it for a while, but you've given him 5 days). Why not talk to your husband about your dissatisfaction with the current situation and ask him for help? The reality is, after having spent time not working, YOU discovered you really liked it - but your husband hasn't had the same experience as you. Yet you are asking him to jump on board with a plan that is drastically different from your life - in 5 days' time. Also, retiring and choosing to full-time is a LOT different than changing your lifestyle by choosing to live "frugally" in a camper. I do get a bit obsessed when I start researching something that I am interested in. But I am not asking him to jump on board, I am asking him to think about about it. "Why not talk to your husband about your dissatisfaction with the current situation and ask him for help?" That is why I initiated the conversation.200Views0likes0CommentsRe: Guilt about family left behind?
DianneOK wrote: I will tell you why we fulltimed....we retired early, 54....we were the only ones out of 7 siblings who could be available if we were needed. Everyone was scattered all over the country. So we sold everything, traveled and in between we cared for parents. It worked well,( even tho we were chastised when we were 3000 miles away, and would not instantly hop on a flight and tend to a parent who had a "SPELL" of imaginary crisis....) We were able to tend a parent dying of mesothelioma, another of pancreatic cancer. It worked for us..... I am glad it worked ok for you, even with the issues. I have 3 siblings, 3 of us are within 6 min drive to my parents home the 4th is 25 minutes away. They retired 6-7 years ago, they always traveled and now are snow birds. When I was laid off we spent much of our free time with them. I think their retirement and my layoff actually contributed to my current feelings, I am jealous of their freedom! If anything happened with them I think two of my siblings could be depended on for additional support. My husband is one of two, his sibling is across country, his father passed away years ago. As far as additional support that would be given financially, but visits would be what I would call "stabilizing". Come for the crisis, then leave. And in my opinion there is nothing wrong with that! That is basically what I want to do. His mom and her sisters are very close, so she would not be alone, but she would say she is, she already does. She would not support us leaving at all.200Views0likes0CommentsRe: Guilt about family left behind?
Thank you to those of who shared their own experiences, and opinions about the question I asked, that is what I was hoping to for. I would like to say I am sorry for those of you who have lost family, some are so recent, I hope I didn't bring you additional pain. This started because I recently got a new job (was laid off for 1 year- loved it) and I had an 401k to rollover. I began researching ways to invest and ways to save. This brought me to thinking about living on less, to save more, to retire early. Frugal living research eventually brought me to blogs and vlogs about people living in different types of campers frugally. When I sat down with the numbers I thought- wow we could really do this. I shared my thoughts with my husband about 5 days ago, he said I was crazy. I explained how I thought we could do it and then let it go. The next day, he was worried about leaving the family. That is how I ended up here, asking you. I don't know anyone who has had this experience. This is just the beginning stage, if we were to do this it would certainly take more than a year of planning and preparing. We have repairs on the house and 15 years of stuff to deal with. I do all the planning so I appreciate all the points that were brought up, I came here to learn. We got our camper because we needed time adventuring together and we thought it was a good choice to get away more often. Nine months ago I started this job, we work opposite shifts, have different days off & I have one week of vacation this year. :( Now that I know that we could possibly pull this off I am not sure I want to plan on living this current lifestyle until retirement, it costs too much. Sorry for taking so long to respond, I worked til midnight (eastern time) plus it takes me forever to write this much. I do a lot of re-writing because I know I'm really bad at it, sorry about that I know it drives some people crazy!201Views0likes0CommentsGuilt about family left behind?
I am ready for us to quit our jobs, rent out both units in our two family house and live on the road...permanently...my husband (John) needs some convincing. Our son will be 24 this summer, so he doesn't need us to provide for him anymore. John's biggest concern seems to be not being here for his mom 75 & my parents mid 60's, we are in our 40's. It's not that they need us to for care for them, he says it's the guilt we will have if something happens and we aren't here. I don't know if I'm being selfish or maybe ignorant. I just think WE could be sick or dead tomorrow, never mind everyone else. Do you think he has a valid reason not to leave?7.7KViews0likes59Comments
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