how to beat the system?? (Mayflower van conversion)

It sounds like you're looking for an inspection similar to a "vin verification". CHP does do them, but as far as I know it's like any other inspection they do - you go to them. The DMV should also be able to do it at their locations. I'm going to guess that you're getting a run around because you want them too come to it rather than bringing it to them. I think you'll have a hard time with that unless you can find a business with a licensed inspector who is willing to comd out for a price.