Need help from experienced woodworker

I just refinished my grandkids' oak table/chairs set. I sanded to 220 and it wouldn't accept the stain very well. So I went back and resanded to 120/150 and it opened up the grain a bit better. You can also open the grain with water right before staining. I used pre-stain on the table but not on the chairs and honestly didn't notice any difference. It's true that it is more effective with softer woods. I agree it's really hard to match a color with oak - especially red oak because the red changes everything. I used a mahogany stain with red oak once and it really took on a dark red hue. You can always mix stains too. But be sure to keep track of your ratios if you do.

Along the lines of CoveredWagon's post above you can also try a stain/varnish combo (I think Minwax sells one). With that, the color is blended in with the finish and doesn't soak into the wood. So, each coat you apply makes it darker.