Case closed, right or wrong, and this is why I didn't really want to ask a dealer anyway. My parts guy said (give or take a few words) "Mopar does not have an upgrade kit to add the factory tow package" but I should be able to find it aftermarket "because they'll make anything" but what really cuts the cheese here is when he added "an aftermarket tow package will void your drivetrain warranty". So without learning a single thing about the tow package parts I have the negative no way can't be done conclusion.
So I will be looking for another vehicle, changing plans, whatever, but I leave this little note, a hitch available for a mini-cooper is rated the same as the alleged limit on my 2-ton Jeep. Of course, you probably need the rare and expensive mini cooper factory tow package...