Indeed 5A parasitic draw is ridiculous. I've seen that mercury switch hood light problem on a friend's car - it burned out a the 5 amp range on my multimeter. The strangest one recently discovered in a car was cured by putting a new battery in the remote - I guess the remote system's radio in the car was straining to link with the remote.
Good work tracing the current to the interior fuse block. And good news that it is under the seat; it will be way easier to take out the seat than the dashboard! A DC clampmeter is really convenient in this kind of work - you measure the current without disconnecting the wire and there is never any harm to the meter. Much cheaper AC clamp meters are sometimes sold as "AC/DC" because they have an AC volts range. I have a UNI-T $45 one like
This - the fact that a high amp DC range is listed certifies that it is a DC clampmeter. No problem measuring 5 amps but not very accurate under half an amp.
Temporary workaround:
Battery post disconnect available in hardware and auto parts stores.