I can only hope that I'll never experience that sudden loss, but know how it can effect you. I lost my wife of 27 years last year, but it wasn't sudden at all. Her health was getting worse for 17 of those years and we always joked that I couldn't go first.
When her time came, the obvious choice was hospice care at home. The hospice service was unbelievably good. We fought to keep her alive, but of course, failed. The male nurse she had during most of the last two months quit before she died. I think he took it hard when he realized we couldn't beat the odds. He was just as positive as we were.
The HUGE difference is that it gave me a lot of time to prepare. Very deep inside, I knew I didn't have a snowball's chance of saving her, but I tried. When she died, I was praying for her suffering to end...and I'm not religious.
The last month was awful in ways I'll never be able to describe. She never saw me cry. I had to be strong and positive. If I knew I was going to lose it, I'd go to the kitchen where she couldn't see me. She wasn't afraid of death. She was afraid of what it would do to me. I'm crying now just thinking about it.
I was beyond devastated when she died, for an hour or two. I'd never watched someone die, let alone my wife. She was my life for half of my lifetime. Then it hit me. Her pain was over and I had to get on with life now. I know me and I'm the type who'd never move on if I didn't do it then.
I met another woman quickly and remarried. I changed nothing else in my life. The parallels between the previous wife (I'll never refer to her as my ex. It sounds like divorce.) and my current wife are in the thousands, including the same first name. My current wife knows exactly who my previous wife was and how similar they are. They don't look the same or act the same, but the attributes and ancestry are very similar. The one striking difference is that my current wife has no health problems.
I knew my previous wife had problems going in. She'd had health problems since she was 15. I didn't care. She was an amazing woman. My current wife is also amazing in her own way. I've never known anyone to compare her to.
The one advantage I had was knowing it was coming. If I'd lost my previous wife suddenly, I don't have a clue what I'd do. I would try to suck it up and be strong, but that's got to be hard to do. I'd want to try to regain a normal life, but I can imagine that would be extremely difficult.
Good luck to you and try to stay strong. Do what it is what is best for you and what she would want you to do. I can certainly understand where a motorhome would be tough to use after all the shared memories. Good luck to you and your future. It will get better. You'll never not miss her, but you have to try to live the rest of your life like she's guiding you.
