HELP! What does this NEWB need?!

I will echo the advice for a local trip. If you plan to do a lot of dry camping, you could do this in your driveway. If you plan to use full hook-ups (assuming you don't have them at home), I'd suggest going to a local campground. Somewhere close to stores and not too far from home. You'll learn quickly what you need. Make a list and fill it. The list of what you NEED will be relatively short. The list of what you will WANT will be much longer. Start with the needs and let time and experience determine what's really important on the wants.