Dealing with elderly parent while on the road
We are contemplating purchasing a MH and becoming "snow birds". My (wife) mother is 93 still lives alone and does not drive. I help as much as I can with groceries, dr appt etc. Does anyone have su...
Forum Discussion
We have a few older friends and relatives who are no longer thriving living independently. Each situation is unique, but they have one thing in common: eventually, the person being cared for has to come to terms with needing assistance. Some do it cheerfully, most don't, and many have a very unrealistic idea of their options. (Last week my dear aunt finally said OK -- she would spend the $5 an hour and get a cleaning lady.)
For many people we know, some type of cleaning or "visiting angels" service is a wonderful solution. Mom's best friend has someone come two mornings a week thru the VA. That person will usually do house cleaning, and sometimes other things like changing bedding, doing laundry, taking garbage to dumpster, sweeping garage, making a cake or hot dish, picking up prescriptions or groceries. That coupled with Meals On Wheels makes life in the house much easier. For additional assistance with bathing and dressing, an assisted living facility is usually necessary.
In our region there are many "elderly apartments" facilities that serve a meal or two in their dining room daily. They are independent living, so no real supervision or help. Residents there like that they can either have privacy, or can go down to the dining room and have companionship and coffee, church services, crafts and entertainment. Some provide shuttle service to church, clinic, stores, etc.
If you can, check out what's available in your mom's area before she absolutely needs care. If there's a place or two you like, take her there to check it out. She might not know what she's missing. Get her name on the waiting list at one or two places that are appealing, as the waits to move in are often over a year long. That also gives her ample time to accept the change.
Most importantly, don't put off having the conversations.
As food for thought, here are two cautionary tales of people we know well. Man generously has mom-in-law move in. Returning the loving care and all that. 20 years later mom-in-law is now a cantankerous 97 year old prone to falling. NO WAY is she going to set foot in a nursing home. Man and his wife are approaching 80 wondering when or if they will ever get to travel and enjoy retirement and see their grandkids who live 300 miles away. Next is the 95 year old woman with a live-in relative as caregiver. Sadly, caregiver died and family are unable to move her in with them. She never looked at assisted living or nursing homes because the caregiver eliminated the need for them in her mind. Now the wait for the nursing home is 6-12 months, so family has shipped a teenaged grandchild to live with her temporarily, helping with cooking, housecleaning, dressing, bathing, etc.
For many people we know, some type of cleaning or "visiting angels" service is a wonderful solution. Mom's best friend has someone come two mornings a week thru the VA. That person will usually do house cleaning, and sometimes other things like changing bedding, doing laundry, taking garbage to dumpster, sweeping garage, making a cake or hot dish, picking up prescriptions or groceries. That coupled with Meals On Wheels makes life in the house much easier. For additional assistance with bathing and dressing, an assisted living facility is usually necessary.
In our region there are many "elderly apartments" facilities that serve a meal or two in their dining room daily. They are independent living, so no real supervision or help. Residents there like that they can either have privacy, or can go down to the dining room and have companionship and coffee, church services, crafts and entertainment. Some provide shuttle service to church, clinic, stores, etc.
If you can, check out what's available in your mom's area before she absolutely needs care. If there's a place or two you like, take her there to check it out. She might not know what she's missing. Get her name on the waiting list at one or two places that are appealing, as the waits to move in are often over a year long. That also gives her ample time to accept the change.
Most importantly, don't put off having the conversations.
As food for thought, here are two cautionary tales of people we know well. Man generously has mom-in-law move in. Returning the loving care and all that. 20 years later mom-in-law is now a cantankerous 97 year old prone to falling. NO WAY is she going to set foot in a nursing home. Man and his wife are approaching 80 wondering when or if they will ever get to travel and enjoy retirement and see their grandkids who live 300 miles away. Next is the 95 year old woman with a live-in relative as caregiver. Sadly, caregiver died and family are unable to move her in with them. She never looked at assisted living or nursing homes because the caregiver eliminated the need for them in her mind. Now the wait for the nursing home is 6-12 months, so family has shipped a teenaged grandchild to live with her temporarily, helping with cooking, housecleaning, dressing, bathing, etc.
