Dealing with elderly parent while on the road

Another resource you might use is A Place for Mom. They can help identify resources in your area, including those to help her stay at home. They were helpful for us with DW's mother, prior to her passing.

We had a similar situation with MIL as we couldnt do much of anything as she didnt like to go anywhere and required home assistance.

There are home care facilities - find one and let them know you need to identify a "matching" personality to your MIL. They should work with you. Let them send out one and ask your MIL if she is acceptable. If not, ask for another.

You may find one that is willing to sit with her and play cards or other games providing her sight is acceptable to participate in games.

Padlin wrote:
Assisted Living, take Mom along, or forget the MH for a while.

Unfortunately, these are the options. We went through this for over 4 years with MIL. Other siblings had 1001 excuses of things they had to do, so they couldn't help even for a weekend.

We purchased our MH during this time. Had plenty of time to work on getting it set up. First year got away for 2 different weekends - which was no easy task. But it was still nice having the MH - something to dream about and work on.... some days we just walked out and sat in it parked here. LOL It saved what sanity we have left.

As far as Home Care workers - good luck with that - we went through a bunch of them in a year's time. We set up a baby monitor that we could tie in to our vcr and record. We saw everything from the worker eating mom's breakfast, dropping a hair dryer on her head, and sleeping for 3 hours. It was unreal.

We had a very helpful neighbor lady that would help two working boys with mom at the drop of a hat. We were very grateful for her help.

Assisted Living, take Mom along, or forget the MH for a while.

Lots of poorly trained HCW out there, and lots of well-trained HCW out there, some care, some don't. Find a well-trained HCW out there, who cares. Not an easy task, but that's the answer.

Some HCW step into the job like they were born into it - some want as little actual care / work as possible. Pick, choose, make her happy - some can deal with the worst personality patients possible, they care, some can't, they don't.

Triple Time wrote:
We are contemplating purchasing a MH and becoming "snow birds". My (wife) mother is 93 still lives alone and does not drive. I help as much as I can with groceries, dr appt etc. Does anyone have suggestions for dealing with the absence of 4-5 months.
There are personality issues to deal with trying to bring in outside help.

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but:

That last sentence shoots down the only thing anyone can possibly suggest.

I'm in the same situation. My mother is 90, lives alone, has acreage / house she refuses to leave for something smaller, does not drive, and I'm the only child around to help her. My one sister lives over a thousand miles away, and the other sister is too consumed with the fermented brew so she has every excuse in the book for non-support!

That leaves me ... mow the grass (all 1 and 1/2 acres), get groceries, get prescriptions, take to doctor. The one good thing out of it though, is she watches our separation anxiety complex dogs during the day while we are at work. So we drop in on her every morning and every evening after work to drop off the dogs and then to pick them up. Still it get's really old day after day, and not having a life of your own.

There's no answer to your situation. Whenever we want to go camping, even for a week-end, she throws the "I'm so depressed because you were gone, I just wanted to die." guilt complex at me. It really is hard when you can't have your own life. I'm almost 60 years old myself now. I had a few good years independent of Mom, while in the military, my early married years. But now I just want to settle down and relax a bit slower myself, take care of my own yard, enjoy the camper, and fish a little.... But there's never a good time.....

Enjoy your parents while they're around though. Someday they'll be gone ... and then (I suppose), I'll have time for myself ...

2gypsies wrote:
Will another family member be there to help her and check in on her daily? If not, then you need to be there.

Totally agree. Bless her heart. She needs to feel safe and comfortable.

I feel your pain. DW's father is 83 and in similar circumstances. Are there siblings or other relatives in the area? They might be able to help. In our situation his neighbor, who is also elderly but more independent, keeps an eye out as well. No real good answers, especially when they're able to maintain some independence but also don't want (or feel they need) assistance from "strangers". Hope you're able to find some assistance.