Overwhelmed and worried about safety

hs4816 wrote:
If my partner + me + baby + carseat = 510 pounds (round up to 550 pounds) and the Jeep has a limit of 1050 pounds for passenger + cargo, then that leaves us 500 pounds for the tongue weight (and no room to pack any gear at all in the car). Correct?

So if we are looking at a hybrid travel trailer that weighs 5400 fully loaded and the tongue weight is 10-15% of that (540-810) then that's too big for us. Right? Is there anyway to find out the exact tongue weight of a specific trailer before you buy it??

You're misunderstanding the difference between tongue weight of an unloaded trailer as it sits at the factory (and as listed in brochures) and the trailer's actual gross tongue weight as it sits fully loaded & ready to camp. Obviously that gross tongue weight will vary, as will the trailer's gross weight, depending on what's in it and what content may be in the holding tanks at any given time ... in other words there's no such thing as fixed gross tongue weight. Recommended gross tongue weight should be between 10% - 15% of the trailer's gross weight but most wouldn't want to tow with as little as 10%, 13% to 14% being a good target to aim for. Regardless, any trailer's actual gross tongue weight will be considerably higher than it's factory listed dry tongue weight, often many hundreds of pounds higher. My own Coachmen Freedom Express 192RBS has a factory listed dry tongue weight of 392 lbs but it's actual gross tongue weight once the trailer is loaded & ready to go camping averages ~ 625 lbs - BIG difference. From the numbers you've quoted you don't have anywhere near enough TV for a trailer of this size.