You can retire to Texas if:
1: You can blame your problems on the Californians and the people in Austin.
2: You know the difference between barbecue sauces in different cities, especially what city uses a vinegar based sauce versus one sweeter.
3: You don't mind driving 8-10 hours and still have not left the state proper.
4: If your response to a police officer's question about "are you carrying a concealed handgun" is "yes, which one?"
5: Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, Sprite, cream soda, are all types of "Coke"... i.e. soda water or pop.
6: If you understand that Lone Star beer is for the tourists, and Shiner is for the natives.
7: If you realize that Austin has no pro leagues... which UT does the job of filling.
8: If you get used to a luxury car being a Ford F-150 Platinum Edition, while a work vehicle a one ton.
