Torn between full time RVing and aging parents.

Jeez, this is depressing. I actually read the first the pages. And ordered a third lunchtime margarita....

My mom was "one of those"... I got a hardship discharge out of the navy when I was 20 to take care of her, she was unable to do it herself even then....
I married an angel at 30, with the understanding that Mom was part of the package.
Eventaully mom was in an assisted living facility, and then she died of a heart attach last year.
Now #1 son has impregnated his g/f while #3 son is still in high school....

And what was "when we ship #3 off to college we can take off too!
has become (as of yesterday) "you want to get to know your grandchild don't you"?

I am 56.
I am active and healthy.
Drink a bit more than the DW would like, but exercise a heck of a lot more than she does to....

I WILL enjoy my future years....

GO!

DH's mother has been at dying for 30 years. Once or twice, she really did get sick. It's hard to tell. One minute, she's at death's door. But as soon as something interesting comes up, she's up from her death bed and ready to go. A couple years ago, right after my dad died and I inherited a few extra bucks, she was certain she wouldn't last another month. When I offered her a ticket to Germany and some travel money so she could go around and see her sisters, she was packed and headed to the airport before I could finish my sentence.

Last year before we left, she swore she was too sick to last until we got back. But when the brother in law offered to fly her out for the holidays, she was instantly packed and ready to party. It's the same way in her retirement home. It's all doon and gloom until someone offers some entertainment.

She's in her 90's and we know she won't last forever. But a lot of her problem seems to be boredom. She wants to be entertained 24/7, but doesn't do much to entertain herself.

If I reach that age I too will want all my family to be close-by. But, I know it can't happen,......for all the obvious reasons. IMO It's up to each one of us to find pleasure and happiness. Except that sometimes life, sometimes death, interferes.

In our family we are closest physically to the elders. Infirm and one with early dementia.

They live in a three story home with many stairs and refuse to move. Both have fallen several times. There are great assisted living options a few miles away and they refuse to consider it. Also refuse to move in with children who have offered. Health insurer provided assistance in home until she chased them away refusing the help.

Yet the guilt is liberally applied because their children won't accommodate them and move back into their neighborhood and care for them.

We load up the MH and go. Sad to see but it's a common situation and we're not amenable to the guilt tripping manipulation.

My dad's attitude was that he gave us everything he could when he raised us, and now that we were adults, it was time for everybody to live their own lives, stand on their own feet, make their own decisions, and deal with their own consequences. He was roundly critcized for his coldness by the other 3 parents and some of the children, who wanted a different relationship. He was also the only one that we truly enjoyed being around. DH enjoyed camping and fishing trips with him and we invited him to live with us when his health got bad. He initially accepted, but kept putting off actually selling his own house and moving in until he died. He was a skilled cabinet maker and DH was looking forward to learning from him.

He never tried to smother us or live thru us or demand our loyalty in petty squabbles or guilt trip us or whatever else manipulative parents do. We were all adults and friends. The relationships with the other 3 feels more like an obligation and a burden. I understand that others experiences are not the same as ours.

You really need to GO! If I'm lucky to get to this age, I wouldn't want to limit my two sons dreams when they retire.

Wait until she gets Alzheimer's and doesn't know if you were there yesterday or last year.

"...if we don't grab the next few years for our RV dream, we may never get to do it at all."
Everything that needs be said is right there. We are on our second trip through the parental wonderland. FIL is 93 and has been in renal failure for 9 years. His wife passed last spring and he has moved to a nursing home. We stayed home this year, instead of going to Texas for the winter. It is closer/faster to get to him from here than Texas. He is a good guy and deserves whatever comfort he can get. Still....
Meantime, it is 21F, the wind is blowing 40-50 mph, and the fiver is winterized.

I'm 53, my mom is 80. I just read this to her and asked her opinion, and her response was GO!
Jim

Personally we could never ever guilt trip our children into not living their own lives, dreams and desires and always encourage them to go experience all that life has to offer. This is not a dress rehearsal and none of us get out alive.

To each their own but .........

Rightly or wrongly, our children didn't ask to come into this world, we chose to have them because we wanted that experience in our lives, and there is absolutely nothing we won't do to help and support them even in their 30's, but in the philosophy of "teaching them to fish, not giving them fish".

With that said and done we come from an upbringing going back many years whereby we are all very close knit, and elders over the years have never been placed in assisted living or nursing homes or otherwise. Somehow we've always lead fulfilling lives and kept our elders in the comfort of their homes or that of their children, nieces/nephews. There's always the exceptions with some family members.

If my parents had dreamed of guilting me into being there for them, I would have gone in a heart beat, fortunately they never did, and both mum and dad stayed in their own homes, or living with us until they passed, and as is our family tradition were laid out at home where on their last day before going in the ground they left from and we said our final goodbyes.

There's no right or wrong way to deal with elderly parents/family members and we all need to do what makes us comfortable with no regrets for the remainder of our lives on how we handled it. I was an only child but thankfully had close connections with cousins that looked after dad for a couple of weeks when hubby and I took our honeymoon many years after we were married and could finally afford it. He got diagnosed with oesophageal cancer a month before we were due to leave. He encouraged us to go.

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty, do what you want to do and are happy with - it's your life to live.