What Do You Wish Your Partner Had Done Before They Died?

Everyone has given you some good advice. The planning is good but also the days of love that are left are precious, make the most of each one. Spoil & pamper each other.

My mom hid cards, notes & gifts in places where she knew it would take a while for us to find. Small things for everyone, her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. It was so sweet to find them and somehow we were able to find something just when it was needed by the person it was meant for....

May the years you have shared together and the memories you have made be your loving legacy... until you meet again. You & your family will be in my thoughts & prayers. Joshua 1:9

Chuck.. you have given a great gift to the RV family with this post. Tomorrow is not a certainty so all of us need "to get a move on" to enjoy our lives... tell others we love them every day. And have our legal doc's completed.

My Dad passed April 2009 after a lengthy illness... he had everything signed, documented and in a briefcase "ready to go". There were no questions about what Dad wanted or what needed to be done. That was a blessing.

The one thing we all didn't do enough of... is let the love flow freely. We were all so fearful of letting Dad go WE didn't LIVE and LOVE enough those last weeks. We squandered those living hours with fear...and denial that the end was near.

I think the best gift you could give your family right now is to let them all know it's ok. Let go of the fear... let go of the pain... there's time enough for the pain later... but... for right NOW... just let all the LOVE flow freely and fully.

Your wife needs the love you have left to give... YOU need the love your family is probably struggling with how to show.

I don't know if this helps... it's just my 2 cents worth. Know that you will be missed.

.. and as one poster said... if you figure out a way to communicate from the other side... let your loved ones know you are ok. I loved my Dad with a depth that I am still finding out about. He was my Hero... and my rock. After he passed.. I was heartbroken. But.. about a year later... he found a way to let me know he was ok... and it helped to heal my heart.

For you to ask us for comments on what to do... it is an honor to the RV family.

Much peace and love.

cts

Best to your family.

RIP Chuck...thanks for being a wonderful rv netter.

Sher

just popped in for a minute to see some posts. Read yours Nerraw and DW and I am so sorry. What a handful to deal with, putting it mildly. Takes a lot of strength to get through this life doesn't it.

My thoughts and prayers for Chuck and those who are in need of them.

Our 37-year-old son has been fighting stage 4 colorectal cancer for four years. It has metastasized to his spine and lung, and now a new tumor has appeared at the original site. He has a wife and five children, ages 10 down to a one-year-old. He's hoping the oncologists can find a chemo drug that will be effective against the types of cancer he has. So far, not much good news.

During one of our conversations, he was trying to decide whether it was better to know you were dying and have time to take care of things, or to just die instantly in a car wreck. Very hard question.

Chuck, if you have children and grandchildren, what about making a video or videos, telling them things you would want them to know now and in the future? Or write them letters. Or keep a journal to leave for them.

If it were my husband dying, I'd want him to agree to hospice care during the final days/weeks. I'd want to spend those precious hours as his wife and not as his caregiver. I would love to have his bible, with a meaningful inscription.

May the Lord give both of you comfort and encouragement.

Chuck, you've asked one of the most caring and compassionate questions I've ever heard.

My best advice is:
- Make sure that all bank accounts, credit cards, investments, real estate, vehicles, etc are in jointly in both your names. An iron-clad will is great, but money (and things) can still get tied up in legal red tape and due process; instead, make sure that your wife has immediate access when she needs it by giving her indesputable access to it now.
- Put all important documents (will, deeds, titles, insurance, bankbooks, etc) in a single envelope and let your wife know where it is
- If you can, pay off all your debts now. If you have insurance which you intend to be used to pay off debts, leave clear instructions on what insurance is to be used to pay off those debts and insert that in your envelope
- Plan your funeral as best you can. Your wife will be devastated when you pass and will be faced with dozens of (relatively meaningless) questions about flowers, clothes, music, coffin and headstone styles and colours, lists of people to invite and so on. You may want to consider pre-paying all the expenses with a funeral home and making these plans with them.
- Write your own obituary. A friend of mine did this before she passed and it was one of the most beautiful celebrations of life that I've ever read.
- Assemble items for your eulogy. A simple book containing your favourite memories, pictures, cards - what's meaningful to you. Give your family a rich source of inspiration as they write your eulogy.

Most importantly:
- Write several love letters for your wife and seal them to be opened after you've passed
- Dum vivmus, vivamus! (While we live, let us live!) Enjoy life!

A sealed, and recorded, will, with someone close having a copy. Recorded instructions with the designated executor. Most people are buried, but my wife wants to be cremated and not buried. I told her to put this stuff in writing. I don't want to be cremated, and have to put it in writing to stop someone from doing it to me!!! Not that it matters any after I'm gone, but we all need to have this talk with our spouses and record what our desires are. Oh, I also want someone to play "Amazing Grace" on Bagpipes at my funeral!!! Any volunteers?

Sorry for your loss but your wife left us all a wonderful quote. Thank you for sharing.
Pam

I am so sorry Mike. I can't even imagine being

compos mentis at this point. That was a lovely quote, thanks for sharing.