Sounds like you had the same issues I had trying to get our Sequioa and Shadow Cruiser set up with a Blue Ox hitch. Ive been fighting it for a year thinking it was just not going to be a good combo but reading this post gave me some ideas.
Turns out the auto leveling suspension was intermittently unloading the spring bars after being hitched up which is the same as your hitch not having enough washers. Went up by one notch on the shank and so far it’s taken care of the poor towing issues since the bars aren’t being unloaded.
Now I dont mind towing this combo anywhere and my wife is comfortable towing it as well.
