Missed this thread earlier...I was on the Outer Banks.
Since there is already a lot of info on NC Outer Banks and you seem somewhat familiar with it, I won't comment on it unless you have specific questions.
Silversand's suggestion of First Landing State Park is an excellent choice. No beach driving there but you are oceanfront or close in the campground.
Your wife likes lighthouses, there is one very close by, Cape Henry. Be aware it is on an active military base and you have to go through a thorough checkpoint, no concealed carry weapons, no alcohol on board, etc. You can climb the old lighthouse, all the way into the lightroom at the top. Also worth the short drive is the Virginia Marine Science Museum.
New lighthouse,
Old lighthouse,
