Do I have an unrealistic expectation of 12 or better.
You have an unrealistic expectation of accurately calculating mileage over only 400 miles. Lots of things can affect mileage besides what you are towing--hills, wind, speed, there is even a difference in concrete and asphalt roads as it relates to fuel mileage. So, calculate the mileage over 5000 miles or more towing and you will filter out the anomalies and get a good idea of what it really is.
And, yea, I would think 9.5 would be quite low for a diesel towing 8000 pounds. I tow 8000 pounds of travel trailer with a Ram/Cummins with 3.73 axles and consistently get better than 12, sometimes 13 or more at 65 mph. Wind resistance is far more the fuel mileage culprit when towing than weight in the weight range you are towing. Speed will kill the mileage the faster you go. I previously carried a cabover camper that weighed about 4000 pounds and got the same mileage as towing my 30 foot 8000 pound travel trailer. So, weight is not the biggest fuel factor at least on flat ground.