What austex said. Read the manual and it will answer your questions.
My head sockets became loose over time and the shop guy at Airstream told me to tighten them up. Those sockets along with the friction on the L bracket provide the "4 Point" sway control they talk about.
And, even though it is counter intuitive, you can "lightly" grease both areas. I have done it, my hitch does not make lots of noise and I haven't had a single problem in 30K miles of towing. I like my Equalizer hitch.
The best advice you have received is to leave you hitch connected to the ball of your trailer when you are engaging the bars AND while you are disengaging them. I have never used my pry bar either. Another reason I like the Equalizer, I let the jack do the work.
