We lost our little Missi Tuesday, March 27, 2007. She was 14 years and 3 months old.
Last week we took her in to be groomed, and the vet found a little abscess by her right leg, and she had a mole by her left eye. Moles are fairly common on Cocker Spaniels. He drained the cyst and told us to bring her back this past Tuesday to remove the mole. I honestly believed that we would bring her home. I think DH knew we might not, but I just didn't see it. Missi and I had taken our nightly walk on Monday night, as always, she was ready for her treat, and I thought she would be fine on Tuesday. We stopped at the vet's to see about her, and the Vet's assistant said he needed to talk to me. I knew this was not going to be good. He said all of Missi's lab test came back very bad, liver enzymes over the top, kidneys bad, and it was just going to be a matter of time, and not very long before she was going to be in pain. We had to make that horrible decision to let Missi go. I didn't go to the back because I couldn't stop crying, and Dr. Lee said she would be upset because I was so upset. He said Missi would only think she was getting her regular inoculation and she would just go to sleep.
Since Tuesday I have regretted not going back to say good bye. I had hugged her before DH took her to the vet, but I thought she would be coming home. My heart is broken. She got me through last year, which was the very worst year of my life. I knew she was getting old, and sometimes I think Missi knew the pain I was in and she held on and stayed with us through 3 months of this year to make sure we were ok. DH says "no more dogs', it just hurts too much. It does, but Missi went to work with me, camped with us, and I cannot imagine life without her.
We adopted Missi in 1993. She had been dumped on the side of the road. She was about 5 weeks old. We had another Cocker, Liberty who we bought at a pet shop, that we later found out that she had come from a puppy mill. When Liberty was two she had both eyes removed due to Glaucoma. The vet said that she would enjoy a full life, and Liberty did. She had a lot of problems and died at 10 in 1998. Missi became Liberty's little "seeing eye dog". Missi lived almost 9 years after Liberty died.
We always said that the time to let our pet go was when they just weren't having fun anymore. We knew Liberty was having a hard time, and we let her go. Little Missi seemed to still be having a good time, but sometimes I think our walks might have been a little hard on her, but she did it to please me. Still, based on what Dr. Lee said about her lab work, she had cancer and she was going to be in pain, so we let her go.
Now that I see her everywhere in our house, I wish I'd brought her home if even for a few days. I have her collar and I sit and hold it to my heart and cry. I guess there would have never been a time that I could let her go, but I don't feel like I got to really say good bye. I thought she was coming back home Tuesday.
Today I went to an eye surgeon because I'm having surgery on my eye next Tuesday. One of the tech's gave me Rainbow Bridge. We have Honey, Liberty, and Missi waiting there for us. I truly hope that is really the way life and heaven turns out to be. What would heaven be without our little love ones that were there for us always, when there was no one else. My little Missi got me through some of my darkest hours last year, and many years before. I can't see our life without her.
Somehow, talking about her on this forum gives Missi a permanent place for remembrance. I hope to eventually post a photo of her. She was a little blonde cocker with the biggest, sweetest brown eyes. I will never forget that little face.
Although I know that all the joy she brought is worth the suffering this loss brings, it is hard to remember right now.
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