Forum Discussion

me2's avatar
me2
Explorer
Aug 26, 2015

Allowing my SO to take our unit for the weekend ?

Warning, thorny topic approaching. I'd like to hear opinions on how I should handle this.

We have a 2008 LWB CC F350 and a 40 foot (42 foot with rack) long, 14,000 pound, 12' 8" high 5th wheel trailer.

Our family wants to camp with another family this weekend. The other family is very difficult to plan with and the plan has turned into something that I would rather not participate in. Specifically, we would be parking our trailer at their cabin and they don't want to meet until late Saturday afternoon. They also don't want us to park earlier than they arrive. The cabin in 3+ hours away. This family habitually runs late.

I do not see the value of driving 3 hours, parking our 5er at 2 PM (or later) Saturday then having to pack up on Sunday afternoon at 3PM and drive 3 hours home so that we can work on Monday. Too much driving (6-7 hours) for not enough time (< 24 hours hours in total after set up and take down) to have fun.

I like these people and I am more than willing to drive up Friday after work, set up the trailer Friday night and enjoy the weekend with them.

My wife understands my position. Her solution to the problem is for me to stay home and do whatever I want and she will take the truck and trailer for the weekend.

My wife drives a compact car, which sometimes gets marked up in parking garages. In 2009 she did significant damage ($5,000) to one side of it by hitting a post. In her defense, that occurred after a night shift when she was really tired.

She will be taking 2 young children with her, ages 2 and 4.

She rarely drives my truck without the trailer. Like 2x a year to a grocery store. She drove my truck with a trailer for 4 hours on the highway in 2008 and once again in 2010.

She has never tried hooking up or unhooking the trailer. She has never backed up the trailer. I would not classify the people in the other family as being experienced, skilled drivers. My wife does not have a good understanding of mechanical things, she is not handy with tools.

My wife has a hard time staying alert when driving long distances. She does very little out of city driving.

I am partly to blame for this situation because I have not allowed her to drive our unit during our regular trips.

If you were me, how would you handle her request to take the truck and 5er for the weekend ?
  • GMandJM's avatar
    GMandJM
    Explorer
    Aug 26, 2015
    Think of your childrens' safety first and foremost. If she's not a safe driver ("she has a hard time staying alert"), they should not go with her.

    Aside from that, if it's her truck and trailer, too, she can make her own decision. If there's something she needs to know, show her.

    If you really, really, really absolutely hate the idea of her going alone and she can't be dissuaded, then you go. And although I agree with you that the short duration of the stay is not worth the drive there and back, it is apparently worth it to your wife for some reason.

    Happy wife/happy life, eh?

    (This might be a good time for her to do some of the driving and learn-by-doing everything involved in hitching up, towing, unhooking and setting up.)
  • coolmom42's avatar
    coolmom42
    Explorer II
    Aug 26, 2015
    I'm a "non-regular" RV driver, although I do have a fair amount of experience highway towing and helping hook up a trailer. I'm not adept at hooking up and not very good at backing, although I do have more experience than your wife.

    How about if she takes the kids and stays in the cabin with the friends? That would work OK if there is a sofa or somewhere she can sleep, kids can take something to sleep on in the floor. Apparently the point is to spend time with friends, not use the RV.

    If I were her, I wouldn't want to do it even without the RV, and definitely not with it at her skill level. She will probably have to back into a parking spot (or out of a spot), which will take some practice she doesn't have.

    I'm pretty much with you, taking the RV is kind of a recipe for disaster, and if she has good judgement she would not be willing to do it. If she can't see the pitfalls, you may have to point them out. If she won't stay home or go without the RV, you may have to really stand firm on her not taking it.

    A good friend of mine told me that she and her hubby resolve conflicts by a rating scale. If NOT going for YOU rates a 5, and going for HER rates a 10, you figure out a way for her to go, even if you have to go too. But if going, for HER rates only a 4, then you all stay home.

    If it's any consolation, there might be no need to unhook the RV from the truck if you are there only 24 hours. So a little less work involved.
  • me2's avatar
    me2
    Explorer
    Aug 26, 2015
    Any non regular RV drivers in a couple have an opinion on this ? (I don't want to say "wives", because that would be sexist.)
  • K_Charles's avatar
    K_Charles
    Explorer
    Aug 26, 2015
    I would find new friends. They won't let you park in the driveway of there cabin?
    It cost way less to get rid of my last wife then it would cost to replace the 5th wheel.

    Tell your friends that you won't break into there cabin until they get there and go when you want or don't go at all

    Spell check got me again.
  • vic46's avatar
    vic46
    Explorer
    Aug 26, 2015
    This one is going to be very difficult to get right! I suspect that nobody is going to be comfortable if your spouse makes the trip alone. More specifically, you may take up residence in the dog house for a potentially protracted period of time! Therefore you are going if the trip is on. That leaves the timing issue. I would pursue the Friday afternoon/evening arrival as the stated option is clearly ludicrous. If Friday afternoon/evening is not an option you have a not so simple go or no go decision! My conclusion would be no go but, I know nothing of the folks involved and their interpersonal relationships. No go is likely to send you to the dog house as well. Truly a thorny problem. I am also wondering what the motivation is behind not arriving before your friends. That does seem rather unseemly to me! I truly don't envy you the problem. I would suggest the only way to minimize unhappy folks is for you to go on the one basis which would likely result in you being the only unhappy camper. The old adage "if MOMA not happy, nobody happy" comes to mind.

    Good Luck;

    Vic
  • newman_fulltime's avatar
    newman_fulltime
    Explorer II
    Aug 26, 2015
    Why don't you find a park near by go enjoy the weekend and go visit them when they decide to show up?
  • ford_truck_guy's avatar
    ford_truck_guy
    Nomad
    Aug 26, 2015
    Me............

    I would first off tell these friends that I am not making that trip for such a short period , perhaps they can reschedule the get together for a weekend that is a bit longer..

    I would also NOT feel comfortable with my wife taking the complete truck and trailer for the weekend , and she does drive ours , not a lot but she is comfortable with it. BUT she has NEVER hooked or un-hooked and there is WAY TOO MUCH that could go wrong.

    At the end of it all , it sounds like I would be setting up late Saturday...Your wife would NOT ask to take the truck and trailer (not ever doing it alone before) unless she REALLY wanted to go... Its the small things in life that count...
    Good Luck in your decision... Joe
  • _tpc_'s avatar
    _tpc_
    Explorer
    Aug 26, 2015
    I would call said people without her knowing about it and see if they would be ok with you coming up earlier. Explain to them that while its easier to set up than a series of tents, it still will take some time and effort on your part to do so.

    Maybe this just hasn't been communicated to them correctly so they can understand. I can't see why they would have a problem with you showing up earlier than them, since you only need a place to park it and thats it.

    My wife wouldn't suggest taking my truck and our trailer, even if I was riding along. If she did, and she had little to no experience, I would say no.

    In your case, its damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you can't reason with the other family, then I say tell the wife that you guys aren't going and she can call them and explain it. The argument that ensues will be better that what will probably happen with the truck and trailer if you let her go it alone.

    If she is adamant and is going to go it alone, then I think she should do everything alone in that respect. Hitch it up, pack it up, pick it up...etc etc. If she can do all that, well then go for it I guess. I would be staunch in that no one else drives it other than her, I'm not sure if insurance will cover it if something happens and its a friend driving.

    My guess is that you both will be staying home, having an unpleasant weekend.

    I'm like you though, too much work to go for only 1 day. Heck I get annoyed by leaving friday night and coming home sunday sometimes.
  • momentum_rv's avatar
    momentum_rv
    Explorer
    Aug 26, 2015
    Yikes! If she were experienced with the rig (backing etc) maybe, but consider breakdown, having to get out of tight spot etc. I would stress to her "what if?" Of course then she will say then you should go! Tough spot. Just say No! We all know how that will probably go. My wife wouldn't even ask cuz she knows it is way over her head and she has no real interest in learning.

    Agreed... not enough time. And your estimates were best case. It might be 6:00 before they get there.
  • 2oldman's avatar
    2oldman
    Explorer II
    Aug 26, 2015
    I can't believe she would even consider doing this. If I were you I would go. I can't imagine the stress I'd be under at home thinking about this.

    Honestly I'd put my foot down and tell these folks exactly what you said here. It's not enough time.

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