I guess ignorance is bliss.....I've been towing with my diesel for 4 years now and use only truck stops and haven't ran into near the issues you guys have. I use flying J's almost exclusively though so I guess that's the difference. There is 1 pilot I use that you have to pre-pay but the flying J's I use I can pay at the pump. Just have to choose "tractor" then pretty much skip all the next questions until you can fuel. It's basically the same as using any other pump once you get past the little things set up specifically for the big trucks. They do pump some fuel in a hurry though which is another good thing.
I did use one this trip ( which is one I've used several times before) that on our way into the lot my wife saw a sign that said "CDL drivers only past this point". I was already on the lot so I went ahead and filled up and left. Not sure if that was for the pump area or if she saw a sign for some other area on the lot.....I never saw it.
I've been forced into using a regular station on a couple of occasions and there's very little that's less fun that that. There's never enough room to maneuver though the lot and then the diesel pumps are commonly found in the gas lanes and you have cars to deal with in and out of the pumps. I hate it. I use an app called "truck path" for the phone and it's the best app I've used so far to find truck stops. If I'm at a regular gas station with the trailer then that's a worse case scenario for me.