Guilt about family left behind?

ShellyJelly wrote:
I am ready for us to quit our jobs, rent out both units in our two family house and live on the road...permanently...my husband (John) needs some convincing. Our son will be 24 this summer, so he doesn't need us to provide for him anymore. John's biggest concern seems to be not being here for his mom 75 & my parents mid 60's, we are in our 40's. It's not that they need us to for care for them, he says it's the guilt we will have if something happens and we aren't here.
I don't know if I'm being selfish or maybe ignorant. I just think WE could be sick or dead tomorrow, never mind everyone else. Do you think he has a valid reason not to leave?

No, there is no valid reason not to leave, at least not because of the parents.

We are 49 and 55. Our parents are in their late 70's. For them, it wasn't a shock, because it was something they knew, 15 years prior, we were planning on doing.

What we do is include them in our journey. We have photo sharing, send emails and texts, and include them in our adventure. We talk on the phone usually once a week.

Actually, it has been a positive experience for them. We think in ways, it has actually made them a little younger. Isn't what every parent wants is to see their kids happy? They get to see and hear about places they have never been. They get to see and hear our experiences and are very happy along WITH us.

We assured them, if anything ever happens, we are just a plane flight away.

We still see them for the Holidays, for now, but that will probably change in the next few years. You have to break them in slowly...:B

If you have money for an exit plan down the road, can afford the fulltime lifestyle ( not cheap ), and have plenty of reserves, hit the road girl. If is something you both really want to do, and it is the life you worked hard for, you only get one shot. The only regret we have, is not doing it sooner.

Best of luck to you.

Edit... We also have the " find my friends " on my iphone. They get a kick out of watching us travel. The classic moment.... One time we stopped for lunch in a little podunk town somewhere in the midwest. It just happened to be a fire/ police station.
That night, when we talked to them, the first question was... Were one of you in jail?
It was one of the precious moments over the last year and a half.

Everybody has different personalities and relationships within their family hierarchy, and no one can advise you what's the best for your situation and relationships.

For us I know we wouldn't have left my dad alone on his own after my mum passed away and I was only 19 at that time, and 24 when dad passed afterwards, but nursed him at home until the end where to us he belonged and wanted to be.

We have a similar relationship with our youngest daughter and I just know in my heart that she'd expect us to live with or very close by to her and her family as we get older and less capable. She does however, know our ultimate goals are to go FTing within the next year or so for at least a couple of years or so = depends when we feel we've had enough of a good thing!

Our home base will always (within our abilities) be where we are now and they will live and raise their family here also, and we will build a "granny annex" for the future just to give everyone a little more independence when wanted.

With all the above said and done, we have stressed to maximum we can, that absolutely there is no way we ever want our kids putting their lives on hold for us should the worst scenario possible happen, so they have our blessings to do what might be required in the future but ........ it's in our genes to be close knit and look after our own".

Any particular reason you'd care to share with us about why you're doing this in your 40s?

I think Merrykalia presents excellent points to ponder. This is a question only the two of you can really decide. No one is being selfish - you both just seem to have differing thoughts on what is the best way to move forward. DH and I spend a good bit of time RVing - but we still maintain our home base. He would full time tomorrow. I'm not comfortable not having a brick and mortar place to call home. We respect each other's wishes by going on longer trips but always ending up back "home". As for feeling a debt of responsibility to older parents (or perhaps children or grandchildren) - that is also a very personal issue that no one else should judge. Just MHO. Must say, I'm happy for you that this issue is one you can have at your young ages! Being "in your 40s" is way sooner than we were even able to consider it!

Truth is. ANY place in the lower 48 is less than a days flight from home. You can get home almost as fast from 2000 miles away, as you can 400 miles away. After all 250 miles is a 6 hour drive. So go.

A 75 year old mother would require some assistance but there are ways to provide it without being on site. Otherwise enjoy life and pursue happiness.

I come at this from the perspective that I live within a couple miles of my parents home and my dad died last week.

1. Do other members of your family live close? Are there others that can help in your absence, if it is needed?

2. Have you ever spent an extended amount of time in your RV? Months? I would give it a couple of months and stay ONLY in the RV close to home to see if this is something you would BOTH enjoy. It's not fun to be with someone that doesn't want to be where you are. It can break up a marriage pretty quick.

3. Do you have the available cash reserves to leave your RV in storage and fly home in the event that something should occur?

4. Have you got someone that can take care of your residence(s) and get the necessary repairs done that need to be taken care of?

5. Do you have enough available income to sustain your lifestyle while on the road?

6. Life has a way of not giving you much of a chance to "redo", so with all of these things in place, after you have had a frank and honest discussion and you both are in agreement, then do it.

My mother has had cardiac problems for 20+ years and my dad was healthy as a horse even though he was 82. Friday before last, he had a mild heart attack and a cardiac cath to repair a clogged artery. 3 days later, he suffered complete heart failure and was gone within a couple of hours. Both of my brothers live locally, but my sister lives about 6 hours away. We called her on Friday evening and she was here on Saturday afternoon. Our being with him did not keep him alive, nor did it prolong with life, but we made sure he knew that he was loved...ALWAYS!

We do prolonged RV trips, but do not full-time and he said that he envied us being able to see the country. My mom does not like to travel and she just would not travel and be away from home for more than a night or two. We talked to them daily and sent photos of our adventures for them to see.

Just something to think about for you, but I'm sure your husband is thinking upon these things, too.

GO! It's so easy to stay in touch with family from anywhere now! Skype, Facetime, Facebook, etc., etc., etc...... You can talk to them and see them if you want, EVERY DAY!

Not to mention that fact that in their 60's, they likely have a lot of years yet ahead of them!

No and I say this after my brother died this past January and we were 1200 miles away.