Never thought I would be in this position but I am...wife needs help getting out of wheel chair and onto the toilet. Then off the toilet and back in her wheel chair. At the hospitals, usually we can find a bathroom that has only one toilet in it and lots of room. No problems. But sometimes we have to use restrooms that have maybe one or two handicap stalls and multiple regular stalls. I help her out of wheel chair then onto toilet. If there is enough room for me and her wheel chair I just wait in stall with her. And when not enough room in the stall I leave and when she is ready she calls me on my phone to come get her, to transfer from toilet back to wheel chair. Last Fri at a hosp we've never been to before, a lady saw me in the women's room and went nuts calling me all kinds of stuff, was so happy to give my ears a break when she was going to get security. My question....At rest stops on the freeway especially WA state I've seen signs saying to the effect that it is...OK for the opposite to assist someone in the rest room. Does anybody know that law and where to find it. I've looked and can't find it. I would like to carry a copy for the next time, just in case. Any other info would be helpful. Thanks

I believe it's part of the ADA. Your wife has a right to bring necessary assistance (you) into the restroom. I would simp!y tell someone who complains that your wife requires your assistance and if they have a problem they can contact xxxx (insert any disability association as desired - it doesn't have to be one that relates to your wife's disability).

Sorry you had that experience. I would not have thought a thing of it myself. More power to you. It's tough when a spouse/partner/child needs help. We're all human. We do what we have to. My DH is disabled, but does not require any assistance. I don't know what the ADA says, but I'm guessing what was mentioned is true. . . she can bring any assistance she needs. But common sense should prevail to begin with.Keep on keepin on.Dale

Yes, you have the right to assist your wife, unless that assistance rises to an "unreasonable" level. An unreasonable level example would be claiming you need to assist your wife in a communal shower at the same time the junior high school girls volleyball team is showering. It would be unreasonable because showers are not emergencies and an alternative time could be arranged.As for signage you request, not required by law. As a practical matter, the world would be one great big sign if we had to put up signs for every situation that could possibly arise.Finally, the ADA only covers the relationship between business and the disabled. The public can be as crude, inconsiderate, nasty, appalling and downright stupid as they want.

Similarly, I announce myself when I enter a rest facility with my wife, or assist her at a store dressing room. American Disabilities Act (ADA) does give legal protection, but does not protect you/us from idiots. I've never been put in a situation like you describe, and a response of "thank you for your cooperation" has usually been sufficient.

That was a very (SAD) female who said that!! You were not trying to do any peeping!

Helping disabled wife and the law? Rest area sign.

DiskDoctr
Explorer
May 25, 2018
avan wrote:
OP. You are just fine. It's the lady who is crazy. And apparently you are/were in a "traditional" state 'cause many states now days, in order to not be protested or boycotted have gender neutral bathrooms. All you have to do if ever confronted with an idiot like that lady again is to tell her that you identify yourself as a female and tell her to go take a hike.

What do you mean by "Traditional state" ?

"Identify as" doesn't make a rabbit into a deer, no matter how hard it wishes :R

It is actually the messed up thinking like this that has people on edge and defensive, whereas it used to be simple and accepted to make whatever accommodations are needed to care for our disabled, kids, whatever.

Now, thanks to idiots, gotta watch for the perverts and 'confused'

OP- Do what you need to do. If ever asked, "I'm a caregiver providing assistance" No other discussion or justification required. It is the polite and proper way to alleviate any concerns and you'll likely find people bend over backwards to provide extra privacy and accommodations.

Safe travels!
avan
Explorer
May 19, 2018
OP. You are just fine. It's the lady who is crazy. And apparently you are/were in a "traditional" state 'cause many states now days, in order to not be protested or boycotted have gender neutral bathrooms. All you have to do if ever confronted with an idiot like that lady again is to tell her that you identify yourself as a female and tell her to go take a hike.
wohtex
Explorer
May 11, 2018
I have a similar problem with my wife's mobility issues and when we travel it can be a long way to the rest room and the handicap toilet may be occupied or out of service so today I traded my beloved 1 ton dualy and fifth wheel in on a class B motorhome so when we are on day trips on long trips we have all the facilities we
may need right at hand, and the MPG aren't to bad either.

Works for us.

Bill
Pirate1
Explorer
Sep 03, 2017
I have to help xfer my wife exactly as you do OP. Been doing it for close to 20 years now. In all that time, I haven't had one person complain about me being in the ladies room.

I prefer to look for family style rest rooms. Luckily, we have a modified motorhome so haven't had to encounter issues on the interstates and rest areas. Anyway, I find that about 75% of supposedly handicap bathrooms are nothing of the sort and can't accommodate a person in a wheelchair.

I thought about making an app at one point to locate family rest rooms for travelers for this situation.
mama_sylvia
Explorer
Aug 25, 2017
If your wife is able and willing, have her announce on entering that she is bringing her husband in for assistance, and if that would make anyone uncomfortable she will wait until they are finished. That and your sign (which someone suggested and which I think it an effective way to warn people before they enter) should prevent problems with anyone except the nut jobs (who unfortunately are everywhere).

And I agree, cheers for you for making it possible for your wife to keep travelling. I am not at the point that I need help in the restroom (yet) but if I reach that point, I am blessed with a husband who would also take care of me wherever necessary.
Mortimer_Brewst
Explorer II
Aug 23, 2017
westernrvparkowner wrote:
Mortimer Brewster wrote:
Men's rooms tend to be disgusting. I'd stick to the Ladie's.
What if you made up some sort of sign announcing your prescence to temporarily hang on the door?
I have cleaned rest rooms at my parks for years and can tell you that nothing could be farther from the truth. We refer to the ladies rooms as the "hog pens" for a reason. Generally they are two to three time messier and take two or three times longer to clean than the mens.

No offense meant to your park or RV parks in general. Fueling stations and some Rest Areas are what I was referring to as disgusting.
westernrvparkow
Explorer
Aug 22, 2017
Mortimer Brewster wrote:
Men's rooms tend to be disgusting. I'd stick to the Ladie's.
What if you made up some sort of sign announcing your prescence to temporarily hang on the door?
I have cleaned rest rooms at my parks for years and can tell you that nothing could be farther from the truth. We refer to the ladies rooms as the "hog pens" for a reason. Generally they are two to three time messier and take two or three times longer to clean than the mens.
toedtoes
Explorer III
Aug 22, 2017
DiskDoctr wrote:
toedtoes wrote:
As long as you insist on spouting politics you will get responded to in kind.

Not the time or the place, snowflake. I would invite you to not respond to or about my posts.

And there it is. Not only a hypocrite, but you result to name calling as soon as you realise you're not going to get away with it.

If you don't want responses to your politics then keep them to yourself.
DiskDoctr
Explorer
Aug 22, 2017
Edit: Troll wouldn't stop, blocked her.
toedtoes
Explorer III
Aug 22, 2017
DiskDoctr wrote:
toedtoes wrote:
You're the one who said politics. It's not politics, it's reality. I don't know anyone who would freak out because a man was in the woman's restroom - they certainly wouldn't go screaming for security. But then most people I know (regardless of beliefs) are not paranoid.

You're always baiting, looking to start an argument. This gentleman is conveying a sensitive situation and has received for the most part caring and friendly support. Except for you- who values your own conflict-seeking ego more than common civility.

How about you give it a rest and move on.

I was the first to posr "caring and friendly support". You were the first to make it political. Stop spouting your politics on every thread and you won't have to cry when you're disagreed with. As long as you insist on spouting politics you will get responded to in kind.