Poor, poor, pitiful me

Wow! Lots of pats and no pans. I thought you guys would tell me to grow up, suck it up, count my blessings, and remind me that nobody gets everything they want. I'm sorry if I sounded like a self-righteous doormat. DH and I have had many, many wonderful RV trips over the years and hope to continue to do so. We have also been to Alaska. My Pity-Party refers to this particular summer when I am having to change plans because it is the right thing to do. We are being proactive and making plans for the fall instead. Thanks for all the positive feedback. lizzie

I couldn't find it for you. But, there is a episode of a show called Star Trek The Next Generation Season 4 episode 2 where Captain Picard goes home and gets into a fight with his older bother. After the fight his bother tells him "You have been much too hard on yourself" .

I think you are being too hard on yourself. Your only human after all. Even Captain Picard had to learn that.

Do what you want with you life. If anyone complains tell them politely that you have worked hard all your life so you can enjoy it and you need your own time to go do it in. While you still can.

If they don't understand that, then tell them where to go.

I bet the they will understand without needing to do the second part.

I bet, the only one putting pressure on yourself, is yourself. Don't be to hard in yourself.

I'll say the same thing but from a different angle. I've missed a lot of my immediate family events due to four deployments and nearly all of extended families' events - and they missed my kids' events mostly due to finances and distances to where we were stationed.

We've learned for most things it's just a day and this summer we chose to skip a family event because the burden would just be too high considering all the moving pieces.

You need to set criteria on what needs to be celebrated that day and what can wait or be celebrated from afar. We've learned most things are just a day on a calendar. We celebrate birthdays before or after a deployment. Ditto anniversaries. Graduations can be recorded and unless the family member is speaking as an honor grad, it's not worth traveling across the country.

Weddings are a big deal and worth scheduling around the best you can but it's fair way in advance to say this month doesn't work for me. Family is very important to me, both my immediate family (kids are teens) and extended but life has taught us to be flexible and simply enjoy the times we have, whatever the date written on the calendar.

Medical issues need to be prioritized. I wasn't able to go home from deployment when my dad has a quadruple bypass. I really wish I could have, and would have made it happen if not deployed. Thankfully, all went well. At the same time, my dad or sister have had less life threatening surgeries that I have no guilt not traveling across the country to be there.

I've struggled with boundaries myself and can't say if you are setting improper boundaries because that is both a personal decision and we have a paragraph of facts. That said, I recommend Henry Cloud's book "Boundaries: When to say yes and when to say no to take control of your life."

I am going on an extended trip this summer. Alone since my wife likes nothing about driving, camping, hiking.
Our nephew announced his wedding plans for July. Wife said I have to go to it. I'm 68 and I WILL be on the road in July.
She's the type who buys birthday and Christmas gifts for siblings, spouses of siblings, nieces and nephews and their spouses and their children and stepchildren, even some in-laws of that group. All of those "kids" are in their
30s through 50s.

They will get along without you. Do they want your child sitting services or do you really want to attend all of these functions?

This year we are cutting a long trip short by a week or so to be home for our daughters birthday. Her 30th. We have not been home on her birthday for over 6 years.

Today, 2 days before we depart, she informs us that she will be working on her birthday so it does not matter if we are home or not. Sheesh!!!

Alaska is a big deal. Don't pass it up for people who will be around long after you are gone. Heck, you will want to do Alaska 2,3, even 4 times.

Grandpere wrote:
Lizzie, you sound like you need some definite ME TIME. Ignore everyone & everything else and hit the road. Life happens, it is time to ignore it and make it happen your way.

I agree completely. We are in the final stages of refurbishing/remodeling our home of 40 years and a short time ago I told my wife that there was a spot open for our favorite campsite and fully expected her to book it as the account is in her name and her password. Instead, I was told about plans for Easter Week vacation and the first three weeks of summer vacation trips with the DGKs. I was disappointed but today, she is disappointed she didn't make the reservations at the beach.

Easter week didn't pan out, now it seems that the summer vacation road trip may be cancelled and she is devastated. Don't let the family sway your needs to get away from the house, birthdays and other family events.

I go in for a spinal epidural next Tuesday and that means another two weeks without a road trip.

Oh yeah, the house is beautiful and has almost everything we wanted it to have when we had it built 40 years ago, but I am beginning to think it is a millstone and not a gift that we saved for like we did for the RV.

We have 8 adult children between the two of us and currently 7 grandchildren most of whom were born when we were away in Florida. Somehow they managed and we managed. We do not celebrate adult birthdays anymore and will send a gift and a Skype to grandchildren if we are not around. They do not live their lives for us and we do not live our lives for them. If our lives touch once in a while and they know we love them that is good for them and us. When we do see them it is a special treat for everyone not just Grampa and Nana coming over again. Some of our family lives thousand of kilometers away from us, same thing, we see them when we can.

It is time to be selfish and take the trip. Tomorrow is not a guaranteed.

OP is already struggling with unnecessary guilt. OP is NOT being selfish by any means.

Hubby's father died at the age of 52 never fulfilling many of his dreams. My mother died at 55-same thing. And don't let the "it might be their last one" malarkey guilt you into staying home, unless on the off chance as another poster said they ARE on their death bed. It's YOUR life, not theirs. No regrets, no sorrows.

Ok I will be the devils advocate here. The items you gave are excuses not reasons

Not the devil's advocate at all. Devil's Advocate would be telling the OP to stay home. IMHO you are correct.

What I don't understand is how did so many of us grow up to be so guilt-ridden about living our own life?

I agree with 100% of the above responses. You only have one trip through this life and you best make the most of it. When you are gone these kids will all have the same things going on with out you. DO IT!