Where to retire!
You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where.
*
*1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.*
*2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the
toilet bowl.*
*3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.*
*4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.*
*5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face
when you open your oven door.*
*6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING
ME??!!*
*OR*
*You can retire to California where...*
*1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.*
*2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.*
*3. You know how to eat an artichoke.*
*4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.*
*5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.*
*6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.*
*OR*
*You can retire to New York City where...*
*1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.*
*2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.*
*3. You think Central Park is "nature."*
*4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multilingual.*
*5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note: If you have a car)*
*6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.*
*OR*
*You can retire to Minnesota where...*
*1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.*
*2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.*
*3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.*
*4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.*
*5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and*
*construction.*
*OR*
*You can retire to the Deep South where...*
*1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.*
*2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.*
*3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.*
*4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty
Jean, Mary Beth, etc etc.*
*5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder."*
*It's important to know the difference, too.*
*OR*
*You can retire to Colorado where...*
*1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.*
*2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he
stops at the day care center.*
*3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.*
*4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.*
*OR*
*You can retire to the Midwest where...*
*1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.*
*2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.*
*3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.*
*4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"*
*5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
different!"*
*OR*
*FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...*
*1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.*
*2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.*
*3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.*
*4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.*
*5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.*
:B :B
*
*1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.*
*2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the
toilet bowl.*
*3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.*
*4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.*
*5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face
when you open your oven door.*
*6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING
ME??!!*
*OR*
*You can retire to California where...*
*1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.*
*2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.*
*3. You know how to eat an artichoke.*
*4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.*
*5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.*
*6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.*
*OR*
*You can retire to New York City where...*
*1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.*
*2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus
Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.*
*3. You think Central Park is "nature."*
*4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multilingual.*
*5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note: If you have a car)*
*6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.*
*OR*
*You can retire to Minnesota where...*
*1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.*
*2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.*
*3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.*
*4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.*
*5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and*
*construction.*
*OR*
*You can retire to the Deep South where...*
*1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.*
*2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.*
*3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.*
*4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty
Jean, Mary Beth, etc etc.*
*5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder."*
*It's important to know the difference, too.*
*OR*
*You can retire to Colorado where...*
*1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.*
*2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he
stops at the day care center.*
*3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.*
*4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.*
*OR*
*You can retire to the Midwest where...*
*1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.*
*2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.*
*3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.*
*4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"*
*5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
different!"*
*OR*
*FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...*
*1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.*
*2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.*
*3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.*
*4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.*
*5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.*
:B :B
