This is a motorhome?
On trailers the rv batts are so far away and the wiring so small this is not an issue, so assuming you are motorhome and everything is close together...
You can just get a circuit breaker and disconnect the solar system from the vehicle starting battery/alternator when driving, but sounds like you want both to contribute when driving.
Another possible idea is to use a diode from the alternator to the rv battery instead of a solenoid switch. The diode will make you lose a little bit of amperage but should not be a big deal. The diode only lets current go one way, so maybe this will keep the vehicle computer from seeing the higher rv battery voltage. I have only used the diode to prevent the rv from discharging the starting battery, so someone else can chime in on more specifics related to this.
How is the rv battery connected to the vehicle? to the alternator, to the starting battery? I had mine connected at the vehicle starter (about 4 -5 feet of wire from the starting battery), which was basically connected to the battery as far as electricity goes. Never had the issues you mention.