we paid a visit to our local rv dealer yesterday, one of those old school friendly family owned type places so rare these days and described the issues
the hitch we have is still available, but for our trailer they recommended an upgrade. they carry the husky brand, an 800 lb tongue wt, 8000 lb trailer wt all installed/setup etc etc for around 500 bucks with sway control. if smaller bars are needed, the'll just switch em over
sure a little pricier than buying online and fiddling with it myself, but somethings are better left to the experts
these are the type of people who will sell you used stuff if the budget is tight, I replaced the 20 yr old waterheater with a 5 yr old one and got a longer but used awning/roller from them already, plus a used fridge door and a used roof ac cover, my kind of dealer!!