Well...

BarbaraOK wrote:
Often people only want validation of what they have already done. Pointing out that there may have been another way upsets them. The problem is that not pointing out different things might hurt someone else down the line. Open discussions are a way of helping everyone learn about things that we all have to face as time goes on.

Barb

Thanks Barb, I could not have stated it any better.

To the OP,

I'm sorry for your lost.

The only thing I can figure on these unclear responses is they believe it's there responsabilty to pay their parents expenses . It's clearly not by law but perhaps some moral feeling ? Mfar1234 seems to like to talk in riddles . And be offended by a normal question .. How can this happen ? As far as sympathy , Which I give !!! but this is a forum for discussion and learning
My mom will soon run out of her home sale proceeds and be on medicaid which by law .. At least where we live , enables her to stay in the same a pvt pay facility she's in . By law they can't kick her out .. She must Pay all she can SS etc and Medicade pays some of the rest .. The facility must take a lower amount however. I can't be held for her responsibility ....
My best wishes for a quick return to the ops goals .. But I think the idea for the rest who have a mistaken idea they can be held responsible for parents care and debit (creditors will try to tell people they are in order to steal the kids money ) you aren't . That my father didn't plan for mom or he to live this long is a shame .. I will try to do better but it's not something I must fix .my mom and dad payed taxes as do I ... That's what there're there for

Often people only want validation of what they have already done. Pointing out that there may have been another way upsets them. The problem is that not pointing out different things might hurt someone else down the line. Open discussions are a way of helping everyone learn about things that we all have to face as time goes on.

Barb

Mfar1234 wrote:

...where I'm from, its rude to probe/dig/start gossip etc, when not invited to do so....

Keep in mind, you started the conversation. Where I come from that is considered an invitation to converse.

Another one here in the confused catagory.

I'm sorry you had to go thru this but we went thru a similar situation with my Mom a couple years back and the full time lifestyle was actually a boon as my parents were out in Arizona for the winter and we were able to spend the last couple months with her while my siblings were only able to make short visits. We took care of some stuff directly but mostly helped my Dad thru the process.

As I read the question, it was asked in as gentle a manner as possible in the hopes of learning from your experience.

Maybe a select few of you should read my original message and "accept it in the sprit in which it was intended" as the majority that responded have.

Only a select few have decided to "nib-****" - where I'm from ... its rude to probe/dig/start gossip etc ... when not invited to do so.

Thus my; "unbelievable" statement. it "unbelievable" that I even have to explain.

We'll see ya'll later

Take care

Mfar1234 wrote:
Unbelievable -- and some people wonder why they are not accepted.

Ya'll take care

I am confused by your responses. You seem insulted that some people have questions and want to discuss this. If you don't want people in your business then don't post your family business on the internet.

Unbelievable -- and some people wonder why they are not accepted.

Ya'll take care

John&Joey wrote:

beemerphile1 wrote:

Mfar1234 wrote:

John&Joey wrote:
I know this may sound cold, but I mean it to educate myself and not to judge.

Could you please explain how your Mom's illness depleted your funds to the point of bankruptcy. There should have been government programs (and advocates) in place that should have taken care of her and her needs at the end. Admittedly her house and all SS/savings would have been forfeited during that time.

May God be w/ you!

:h I'm curious also and believe John&Joey are trying to be helpful.

Another forum I visit a member put themselves into bankruptcy before hiring an attorney and learning that they were NOT responsible for their mother's bills.

:h That makes two of us.

I have no idea why that statement would have been made, it may explain a few things though.

When you post something along these lines you shouldn't be insulted when people ask "why?" I'm sure they did not mean to judge you but truly want to understand your plight and perhaps avoid a similar situation

I dread this very scenario. My mother is quickly depleting her savings because she does not have enough income to cover her assisted living home. Who knew she would live to be 95 and after 5 years living there the time is coming where we will have to cover it ourselves. It will be a real financial hardship if we retire next year as planned and have to support her as well.

Wish all states were the same, but some aren't.

Barb