Hi Gary,
Any chance of a side pic of your new hitch setup?
Do you have the old style DC with the U bolts holding them to the frame or the newer HP DC that bolts to the frame?
To the snap up's, please if possible take a pic of the 1/16" dent from the snap up set screw that just happend. This has shown up in another thread about tublar frame crush.
I would "not" drill a hole through the frame to allow the set screw to pinch the far side inside. This will not prevent the snap up from starting to slide down which can be a problem on some 1000# and up hitches. The top of the snap up can still start to spring open and you get the bent bracket. And yes I have seen both the older and new snap ups that are not bent 90 degrees to sit flat on the frame.
I would bolt the snap up brackets to the frame and favor the top of the hole with the bolt so the bracket canot slide down. I myself would not use self tapping screws. If your frame already dented 1/16" from just the set screw pressure, that tube frame seems to point to being easy to get tube crush so to speak. Through bolts with a 1/4" backer plate the entire height of the frame to help spread the load out can be a better option.
Once I can see your setup I can make some more comments about what may be going on.
See this thread on member mrekim, it will help where I am coming from on tubular frame crush.
DC setupDo you know your loaded tougue weight?
Hope this helps
John