Role of grand parents.

we totally understand these family dynamics..we got em too.
Forge ahead..is our motto.

cruisingat60 wrote:
I have 3 grandsons from my older son. My access in any form to them depends on the whims and attitude of my son. My schedule of almost full time volunteering at national parks keeps me from going across country to visit in person, but I send little gifts from where I travel, always remember birthdays and Christmas. Sometimes I hear back, sometimes not, but I'm holding up my end of being a grandparent.

Everyone has different family relationships. Do what is right for you.

Our experience with kids/grandkids...entirely the same..we forge ahead..

becworth wrote:
We have 7 grandchildren (ages 21-4). We were around for the first round of little ones to reach high school + age and found that the older they get, the less they have time for the grandparents (us). When they were smaller, the parents (our children) didn't have time for the parents (us) because they were busy working and raising the families. So, what I am saying is, you raised your children, let them raise theirs and start enjoying YOUR life since the clock does not stop ticking. JMHO

To us it's all about creating the memories, positive influences, respect of others the difference between obvious rights and wrongs and warm feelings for future generations that we've treasured, if there were no occasional bad memories we'd not be able to know what the untold amount of good ones are. Just as if you've never had a bad day how do you know what a good one feels like?

How complex and mixed families are and individuals beliefs on what's right and wrong based on their previous upbringings? I have cousins who haven't spoken to their 83 year old remaining parent since the 1980's yet we still keep in touch via phone with my hot tempered red haired Aunt (mother's brother's widow) and will visit her in Ireland next year as a surprise. We know her personality and traits and accepted them as being part of who she is from her upbringing.

Just as we were told as parents the same can be said of grandparents. "There's no right way to be a parent/grandparent" - you'll always wonder when some go off the rails, what you could have done differently. All any of us can do is try to create a positive influence on the youth of today. We all become like those we associate with in the long term and someone somewhere had a huge influence on who we became as adults. Maybe one day I'll become all growed up too (Tee Hee).

My fathers parent's died before I was born/very young - my mothers parents, father who was blind I have fond memories at the Farm/Homestead growing up with Nana's smell of home baked goods, watching her darn socks, wash sheets in the tub, do jigsaws with me, the physical work on the farm and sitting on Jampa's knee begging for him to play the accordion, and mouth organ and the smell of his pipe. He passed when I was 10 and I was devastated.

My Nana gave me the stability and warmth of family life while my parents worked or spent their lives in the pubs. She buried my mum when I was 19 and she remained a constant in my life well into my 40's. Strict Victorian upbringing as it was I was truly blessed to have her in my life.

I was bathed in a tin tub in front of the parafin heater on Sunday's whether I needed it or not (LOL), and Nana insisted on putting mens Brylcream (Yuck) in my hair to ease plaiting it for school for the week upcoming. On Sunday nights a very crackly radio listening to the the Top 20 down ultra low they thought would be the ruination of my youth at the time (LOL).

Money was very very tight, no TV back then, but we always had a warm bed, food in our bellies and all the feelings of a loving nurturing family we could wish for. But with that said and done a crop across the back of my legs and made to stand in the corner when mischievious on occasion still I remember but ironically no bad feelings knowing it was for my well being.

My father by then a widower and us when we had our first born, I recall many weeks when money was tight emptying out the egg jar sales coins and dad scraping together the last pennies of his pension. Chopping down trees for heat when we couldn't afford coal. We all pulled together but respected each others individual needs and personalities. Our eldest daughter adored her Papa until he also passed away too soon, and misses him even in her 30's today.

My husband was a "latch key" kid from the big smoke (London) - mother ran away when he was 8 months old, so until he was school age he and brother were put in a home. He still has very very bitter memories about his father, who I see as at the time doing the best he thought at the time. When we met fortunately, hubby embraced the loving atmosphere I grew up with and is the same with our children. He tells this day of how he loved my dad more than his own, which is sad but .......

Whilst we have our own identities, encourage anything each other wants to do, each one knows we are there for each other physically, emotionally, financially and so on. We encourage travel and experiences and do whatever we can to help the others achieve various memories if need be.

I see our youngest daughter's fiancé brought up in a broken family struggle initially and still I think 3 years later doesn't understand the way our family launders, cleans and cooks for each other for when the others come in from work, financially help each other to avoid the other getting into debt for post education, dentistry etc.

Grandkids, every one says that's what I need but I'm still waiting :( When they come they will receive all the love in the world, experiences, support and encouragement they could wish for whether it be from their mothers or grandparents. Our daughter knows we have strong beliefs on respect and manners with children and she feels the same way. It has filtrated down through the generations in our family, but the love and warm family experiences far surpass any reprimands over the years.

For sure rather than cause conflict with any future son-in-law and our daughter's relationship, we'd walk away, but it would devastate us not to be a huge part and precious memory influence in our grandchildren's life. We will do whatever we need to at the time to become a huge part of our grandchildren's lives and memories, whilst never forgetting they are their own individual person and will encourage them in all their desires.

To each their own, but our role as grandparents hopefully one day will be ones they treasure for the rest of their lives.

We have 10 grandchildren from 2 1/2 (twins) to 21 years old. We were very involved in our 2 eldest grandchildren's lives as their parents divorced and any visitation with Dad was at our home. There is a gap of 12 years between the oldest ones and the next grandchild. The younger grandchildren all have wonderful parents and our involvement is not required for their wellbeing. We see them several times during the year for weekend visits, but do not feel that as grandparents our place is to help raise them. We raised our children and now it's time for us. Of course if some disaster happened and one of the kids needed help we would be there for them. By doing it this way, it's okay to spoil them when you see them. When you are raising them, daily spoiling would not be a good thing. Let your children raise their families. It's their turn to do that now.

On thing we are learning, I guess due to the fact our grandkids stretch out from the ages of newborn to 15, the older they get the less likely it will be you will be seeing as much of them. A 17 year old is not going to spend most of their weekend at grandma and grandpas house, and if they do you should be concerned.

I suspect there will be folks out there that put off doing things later in life because they are so focused on their grandkids. Then later, when their grandkids are starting their own families/careers and are extremely busy, it will be too late to take off and do all the things they should have done while in their 60's.

There is no "right" or "wrong" answer here. Everyone and every family is different.

We're in this quandary now. I grew up in the same town with my grandparents, and up to a certain age, spent the night with one set every week. My brother and I also went on country rides with them on Sundays and ate dinner with them before going home. I have the most wonderful memories of them and my other grandmother. We live 30 miles from our only grandson, who will most likely be the only grandchild we ever have. He spends every Friday night and all day Saturday with us. This was our idea and choice. He loves coming to our house and adores my DH, his Poppy. We don't want to lose this. While we won't full-time, we've considered selling our FL residence, moving to our house in the N. Ga. mountains, and part-time in FL in our RV. Essentially, be a snowbird, I guess. This would probably work out to approximately 4 to 6 months in FL, but not necessarily continuous months.

This thread has been interesting to follow. I certainly see all sides and agree that no one answer is the right answer. I want a perfect answer, and there isn't one. I'm just very conflicted on what to do and find it hard to make a concrete decision.

I think we have the best of both worlds as a Grand Parent. DH is 68, I'm 55. He is still working, due to my medical bills.i keep our precious 2 year old Grand Daughter while her Mom and Dad work. A pleasure I chose before she was even born!

We wanted to full time in an Rv, but with DH working for at least another year and neither of us wanting to leave our daughter and grand daughter. We traded our class B for a 25' Class C and went full time local. We spend 2 weeks at a COE Park, 10 min from the kids and 2 weeks at the kids yard. DD said she didn't care if we never moved! We do it to keep SIL happy :)

So we get to full time in an RV and still have the Grandbaby. When DH retires, we plan to take her on some trips

Not to change the subject to much. But for me I am pushing 60, I could retire. But the truth is I work 3 and half days a week, I love my work, we take lot's of time off. And for me, retiring would be the worst possible thing I could do.

Although conventional wisdom says I should be looking forward to retiring, and trying to do it as soon as possible. I know in my heart of hearts, and being totaly honest with myself, as to who I am and what I really like to do, it would be a huge mistake.

That's just me though.

Bird Freak wrote:
I'm not trying to sound cold here, but how can anyone know how important your kids and Grandkids are to you? I loved having all my Grandparents in my life and miss them so much. I guess the difference here is they really wanted to spend time with me.

I think that's kind of the whole point of the post. Deciding what you and the spouse really want to do in your heart of hearts.

I suspect just like retiring, full timing for some folks, is the greatest thing they ever did, and for others not so much.

Seems like with retiring, about half of folks, it is the greatest thing they ever did, the other half seem pretty bored. I just think folks really need to think stuff, like this through. And not get caught up in what others think. And or, the media tells you, what is great and what is not

I'm not trying to sound cold here, but how can anyone know how important your kids and Grandkids are to you? I loved having all my Grandparents in my life and miss them so much. I guess the difference here is they really wanted to spend time with me.