Too old to continue traveling ? Grown children urging ..

[RoadXYZ]

Our home base is TriCities, Washington. And talking with our adult daughter today and she thinks we should settle down and get an apartment or go into a "senior apartment" .. we are fine, no medical issues of significance .. do not need 'assistance care' .. and are and have been volunteering these past years ... now we are in our 70s.

I know this has been talked of before (searched, but couldn't find right combo of words to pull up thread)

.. and was wondering if others are having this same type of discussions with their adult children (in their 40s & 50s).

We have more traveling we want to do - Virginia trip possibly next year before looking for an apartment or a larger RV to retire in at an RV Park ..

If you have had this type of "discussions" with your grown children - how did you 'deal' with it ?

[Gemstone]

"I agree with some needing to quit"...

Like this older AZ motorist who killed 2 people in 2 separate accidents on the same day....2 dead in one day.

Regards
Gemstone

[BarbaraOK]

Gemstone,

Those graphs are misleading. Notice that it is really drivers over 80 where fatalities tend to be dramatically higher. And one of the reasons is that as we age, the healing process slows, so that what we would have easily recovered from at 25, may lead to longer hospitalization, a secondary infection, pneumonia, and death.

Again, if you read the OP, it is that the daughter wanted to know what was going on all of the time - a little bit of control being exerted when none is needed. Is there a time when intervention may be needed, of course there is. But for a lot of people, then don't really stop and think what is best for the parents, just what is best for them.

A wise child would sit down, talk over with the parents how their life as been for the past year, any problems that the child can help with, what the plan is for the coming year, and put together some "just in case" plans if one of the parents becomes ill on the road. That's what we do with our DD and SIL each year. And since we don't expect to become ill at the exact same time, we also have some reassurance that we can help each other.


Barb

[mpierce]

Gemstone wrote:

mpierce wrote:

Gemstone wrote:
"when i get too old to climb into my big diesel dually,,,,i'll install a ramp!!!"

Not pickin' on you specifically, just pickin' on the selfish concept.... it's not very comforting to the rest of us who share the road.

When we hit the road on '06, I set my own time limit...at age 70-72, we would throw out the anchor in our most favored place.

Regards
Gemstone

Why is it selfish? Why is it unsafe? I know a number of people using wheelchairs while driving. Disabled does not mean your life is over.

My comment had nothing to do with physical disabilities, they would be the same for any age group....but had everything to do with the aging process.

Why is it unsafe ?....read here, look at the graphs closely: Elderly Drivers

Obviously, not all elderly (me included) will "age" at the same rate, however it will happen and when it does, we all need to self assess and make the necessary adjustments.

Regards
Gemstone

I agree with some needing to quit. You did not reference that though. You just made a blanket statement saying "ust pickin' on the selfish concept.... it's not very comforting to the rest of us who share the road."

If you are capable of driving and handling everything, go for it! Why sit at home, just waiting for the Grim Reaper?

[MPI_Mallard]

Gemstone wrote:
"when i get too old to climb into my big diesel dually,,,,i'll install a ramp!!!"

Not pickin' on you specifically, just pickin' on the selfish concept.... it's not very comforting to the rest of us who share the road.

When we hit the road on '06, I set my own time limit...at age 70-72, we would throw out the anchor in our most favored place.

Regards
Gemstone

No biggy!

Heres something to consider,Frau Blücher and I have retired in our early fifties and when you take in consideration the lack of stress,cold weather,finantial burden and having to work our "sense of being" seems so much better then add in how medicine is growing exponentially giving us better health into our senior years it's no wonder everywhere i RV to i see eighty year olds with bright eyes and a certain zip in their step,i truly believe this life-style extends life! We do have a plan-b which is to "park model" it here in Canada and do the same in St.Cloud and then into da' nursin' home! And as
far as the ramp idea and sharing the road goes iv'e seldom seen a senior driver screwing up but i see a lot of younger people driving like complete pin-heads texting,speeding,cutting other drivers off both in Canada and the US and that's not very comforting to me who also share's the road.


Red Green:
Remember, you may have to grow
old, but you don't have to mature.

[Gemstone]

mpierce wrote:

Gemstone wrote:
"when i get too old to climb into my big diesel dually,,,,i'll install a ramp!!!"

Not pickin' on you specifically, just pickin' on the selfish concept.... it's not very comforting to the rest of us who share the road.

When we hit the road on '06, I set my own time limit...at age 70-72, we would throw out the anchor in our most favored place.

Regards
Gemstone

Why is it selfish? Why is it unsafe? I know a number of people using wheelchairs while driving. Disabled does not mean your life is over.

My comment had nothing to do with physical disabilities, they would be the same for any age group....but had everything to do with the aging process.

Why is it unsafe ?....read here, look at the graphs closely: Elderly Drivers

Obviously, not all elderly (me included) will "age" at the same rate, however it will happen and when it does, we all need to self assess and make the necessary adjustments.

Regards
Gemstone

[Steve_Martin]

I undertand too. Age is just a number. I guess some children associate an age # with a time to stop doing things and settle down! 🙂 My dad will turn 80 in July. He drives a tractor trailer for a large textile firm in the area. He's home every night, but he is still putting in 60hrs a week. When I ask the question about retirement, he tells me..in the daddy voice..that the company tells him he can drive as long as he passes his yearly physical. End of discussion.

Yes, I still worry about him, but I'm not going to try and get him off the road until I'm 100% sure it's time 🙂

Actually, I think one day he's just gonna lay that rig over in a ditch and call it a life. As long as he didn't take anyone with him, he'd be happy! 🙂 And that would be ok with me...

[RoadLife]

Steve_Martin wrote:
This is quite an interesting topic. As the "worried child", I can't believe some of the comments I am reading here. Really, lie to your kids about a start date for traveling?? Come on now. Christmas must have been fun at your house!

I really like the additude, "I'm gonna do what I want..damn the torpeados, full steam ahead"..sounds like us kids when we were smaller/teenagers. And YOU, as parents, had to figure out a way to stop us from hurting ourselves by providing guidance, encourgement or just plain saying NO. Or maybe, some of you didn't.

Steve, I hear what you are saying. There is a time to hang up the keys. But these folks are in their 70's and are active. To me it sounds like over-protective children who are ready to put the folks in an old folks home on the shelf. Children who do not like their parents traveling and want them home for Their Own Benefit, not their folks.

[gotsmart]

Steve_Martin wrote:
...
We finally took away the keys. It was not a pretty day. Had him watch video of his driving. To stand there and tell a WWII combat wounded vet that he could no longer drive was heartbreaking. Our position was we didn't want him to take mom or anyone else with him if HE chose to drive and got in an accident.
....

We're not talking about what the two of you did. We're talking about helicopter children.

Apparently, the two of you aren't the clingy helicopter kind of kids. My congrats to your parents.

We raise our kids. Put them through school. They get married and start having their own kids and then have the realization that raising a family is HARD WORK and it scares them. They want to throw a life ring around you and put you on a short leash. They want that safety net of you always being there for them. When we were that age we were scared too. We all were scared, but we didn't have cell phones, video chat, or internet. Many of us didn't even have an answering machine. We just dealt with it.

The schools have taught our kids since the 1980s that there is a pill for whatever is wrong with their lives. That's a falsehood. They need to grow up. These helicopter children that we have today need a wake up call and/or a good swift kick in the pants.

[Steve_Martin]

This is quite an interesting topic. As the "worried child", I can't believe some of the comments I am reading here. Really, lie to your kids about a start date for traveling?? Come on now. Christmas must have been fun at your house!

I really like the additude, "I'm gonna do what I want..damn the torpeados, full steam ahead"..sounds like us kids when we were smaller/teenagers. And YOU, as parents, had to figure out a way to stop us from hurting ourselves by providing guidance, encourgement or just plain saying NO. Or maybe, some of you didn't.

Either way, be grateful that your children ARE concerned about you. And as someone mentioned, what are their motives for being concerned! 🙂 Most of us children that have a relationship with our parents aren't concerned with the stuff you can leave us ..have a yard sale next week of FIL stuff that no one wants..we would rather have time.

My wife and I asked her father to stop driving two years ago. No, I'm fine. I'm a good driver. Never had a wreck or ticket. Leave me alone. But we knew he was failing. We followed him when he would drive, watching him swerve in and out of his lane. Held our breath when he pulled out in front of cars and watched others almost wreck to avoid him. But he couldn't admit a problem. Are any of you "damn the torpeados.." in that catagory??

We finally took away the keys. It was not a pretty day. Had him watch video of his driving. To stand there and tell a WWII combat wounded vet that he could no longer drive was heartbreaking. Our position was we didn't want him to take mom or anyone else with him if HE chose to drive and got in an accident.

As your children we have, or should have been taught to have, a responsibility to take care of and look after you as you get older. Just as you had the responsibility to help us grow up and become responsible adults. My parents were never my friends. They still aren't today. Yes I can joke around with them a little more than I could as a child, but there are still lines that I cannot cross yet if I don't want to wake up in the middle of next week! 🙂

Driving is one of those lines and we don't cross that line very easily. If we are staring to have that talk with you, then maybe we HAVE seen something that should be addressed.

It's not your stuff that we are after, TIME is the enemy. If we can give you more time by asking you to think about the driving issue, then we've done our job. But don't lie to us...but be honest with yourself.

[tplife]

In the words of John Fogerty, "Keep On Chooglin!" Seriously, my mom retired from the ER at 76 and currently drives an Alegro Gasser towing an Olds Alero. Dad may not drive anymore, but he can sure as heck do all the "other stuff". I'd ignore the kind of advice you're hearing and follow the Lord! 🙂

[BarbaraOK]

Why don't you drive? I made sure that starting day 1 the driving, and all other chores, are shared so that whn Dave through his back out last summer I could pack us up and move down the road while he rested.

Barb

[ctpres]

At 74 I have a long way to go before I quit. And kids supportive, as they say, "keep on traveling." If they said stop - I would ignore them. I think accidents and tickets are keys to the answer.

[Mountain_Mama]

The only thing that worries is me is that I'm afraid sometimes older folks start having problems and they don't realize it like what happened with the Bear II's father...That scares me, and maybe that is what is concerning your daughter. Talk to her and make a plan B as others have suggested. Let her know now that you will listen to her concerns when she starts seeing problems.

[RoadXYZ]

RVcrazy wrote:
Our kids are beginning to worry about us also and we haven't even hit the road yet! I would think them for caring about you, but let them know that you don't believe that you are ready to give it up just yet. Tell them that if either of you begin to believe that there is an issue with driving and handling the RV safely, you will quit. Odds are that the spouse who is not driving will make the decision when they no longer are comfortable with the driver.

Since it is just Hubby who drives and no one declines to ride with him driving, that is a good point.

And yes, there are times I have spoken up about it being "time to pull over in an rv park" after a long day driving. We usually sit down and discuss not just about the number of miles it is from Point A to Point B, but the terrain, traffic, etc. which makes it a long trip or not. Then we go to the Internet and find rv parks or campgrounds which are along the highway we are taking for that particular trip.

We have talked with some people who make a 1-day trip which we make in 2-3 days, but we have learned from experience what works for us.

Thank you for your post.

[RoadXYZ]

gatorcq wrote:
I do not always understand the need to post questions like this. I tell my kids it is none of there business and to go away. I also tell them, nothing personnel. You are adults - so act like it. And tell them you are leaving everything to charity or to something else but not to them. Pay attention to the Doctors and seek their advise.

OK - our doctor does tell us that we are healthier when traveling than when we were previous to going full-time in our RV, even after 10 years of traveling.

AND I just saw "the need to post questions like this." because wanted others input as to how they had 'handled' these questions.

We went to a presentation of a new apartment for 55+ last evening .. interesting lifestyle with pool, gym, movie theatre, pub, crafts/workshop, and library all on-site. They do charge a monthly fee for pets though I can understand that being that it is an apartment. We are not ready to "settle down" yet for sure and it isn't just the $1100-$1500/monthly fee plus the assurance that they will not raise the rent more than 5% per year, it is the "stuck" aspect of being in one place.

We did that for our children and we are more knowledgeable about "Plan A or B" now - so it is good to be more knowledgeable about options for Plan A or B.