I am guessing that by "big boy" your are referring to a Trombetta relay like the one below that is used to connect the house battery pack to the engine battery pack so that both packs can be charged from a single outside source. It may be energized whenever there is a sufficiently high voltage applied to either battery pack to indicate that charging is available.
Trombetta relayMy Trombetta did get very hot to the touch while the coach was plugged in and failed twice. I disconnect the trigger from the house battery pack and put a battery maintainer on the engine battery pack. Now my Trombetta lasts much longer. The link I shared has by far the best price that I have ever seen on a Trombetta.
I am guessing that the relay that keeps failing was not meant for continuous use, most starter relays are not. Either that or you passing too much power through it. I would try to figure out its function and whether the trigger is stuck on improperly if you have the wrong relay or maybe just and undersized one.
It could be a relay for power to the house. My coach has a button that remotely kills all 12v power to the house for storage or whatever other reason comes up. That would definitely require a continuous duty relay.
What are the symptoms when it fails?