Well... OK. Since you asked so nicely. FULL DISCLOSURE: I actually wrote this nearly 2 years ago on the odd occasion that someone would really want to know what I think. Here's what
I think... YMMV:
John's & Sally's Criteria for Campground and Amenity Reviews:There aren't many. When we travel, we do so with specific destinations in mind. Where we stop along the way can vary drastically in the level of amenities and services offered. Like the difference between spending the night in a Super 8 or Motel 6... or a โWโ Hotel. If we're not yet where we want to be, so what? It's only for a night... two at the most. Having a rather high pain threshhold, I can pretty much stand anything for that long. That said, there are some definite no-nos and yes-yesses upon which we base our more positive reviews and, therefore, for which we have preference. OK, which
I prefer, since Sally is the one who usually determines our final destination and I map out how to get there and where to stay along the way. I'm also usually the one driving at the end of our travel day, ergo, the one to go into the office and get us checked in. Where we are on a trip โ be it at the beginning, middle, end or on our way home โ also plays a role in how good/unacceptable we might find a particular campground or resort.
Here's what we look for in every campground:
Give me a Minute, Okay? โ Check-in person: I know it's probably getting to the end of your day when I roll in at 3 or 4 PM and I understand that you've likely had a long one of dealing with gadabouts like me. If all goes well at your check-in desk, it WILL be the end of MY day. I'll even venture that you didn't have to drive your 45-foot desk and computer for seven hours and through Phoenix rush hour traffic to get to work today, did you? And you won't have to do that tomorrow, either. When I park my rig in front of your office, I try to decompress a bit for a minute or two before presenting my road-weary face to you. However, if I don't answer your questions instantaneously or I'm not Johnny-On-The-Spot with my credit card, it will happen. Maybe not as quickly as you'd like, but it'll happen! Just asking for a little compassion, please?
Wide Access Roads/Pull-throughs โ With our 45-foot coach tow-dollying a Town & Country minivan, the longer we have been on the road for a day, the wider the access roads should be and the more we would really prefer a pull-through site; especially if we're staying but for one night. No, we don't need โ nor expect โ a runway-sized entrance gate. Granted, there are times when Sally and I, as a testament to our teamwork, could back the rig in between the end tables in your living room and still not knock over the lamps. Other times, not so much. Also, if it's the end of a long driving day and we're not yet where we want to make an extended stay, we usually just want to park, hook up (usually just water and electric for one night), eat dinner and go to bed without unhooking the toad. Which prompts my next criteria:
As Near-To-Level-As-Possible Sites โ I realize that many establishments have some logistical problems getting a campsite level, particularly in more moutainous regions of the country. Today's larger coaches can demand some serious real estate in getting a site level. I get that. That isn't the problem. When my leveling jacks lift the tires off the ground, THEN it's a problem. Nevertheless: You know your campground... Don't be afraid to tell me that the lovely, private, wooded waterfront site that I think I want is smaller and shorter and that I probably won't be able to get level... Or put out the slides. Tell me this; I can take it. I might also accept the larger, longer site with the less appealing view for the same reason.
All Hook-ups on a Pedestal... On the โRoad Sideโ! โ Most newer campgrounds are making this one happen, and Bravo to them for it! At the very least, putting electrical, water & sewer connections in a consistent place on each site throughout the campground makes us full- and nearly-full-timers sit up and take notice. Taking notice also means we are more likely to return. Which brings us to:
A Minimum of 30, Preferably 50-Amp Electrical Service โ Especially in the Summer... Out west... In the desert... Or in Florida!... Or anywhere South of the Mason-Dixon Line in July and August! We have three roof ACs and need to run at least two of them when the temp is pushing 100ยฐ just so we, the dogs and the cat can merely survive. Cold beer only goes so far!
Enough water pressure โ Not so much for the sinks but for shower... Yours AND ours. If your campground doesn't have a hot tub, this is our next best choice.
Hot Tub โ See above reason. Not a deal-breaker if you don't have one. I'll just take a hotter, longer shower to melt away the kinks from a long day of driving. If I'm deciding between two campgrounds in the same town along my journey, the one with the hot tub gets my reservation. It also best be clean and operational or its non-functional state will end up online!
Clean and Functioning Bathrooms โ Yes, we have a โbath-and-a-halfโ in our rig. We can pee 'n' poop twice as much as we can take a shower. But we're also older and kinda-sorta fat people. We do use our rig's shower if nothing else is available. However, if campground showers are there which would allow us to spread out a bit more than the rig allows, we may prefer to use them. Size isn't even an issue; their being clean, private (WITH locks on the outside doors!) and the hot water readily flowing, is.
WiFi Service โ Very rarely is this a issue for us staying/not staying at a campground. Yes, I know... Bandwidth costs YOU money. Uh... It costs ALL of us money and ISPs/Cell Providers certainly aren't doing anything to hold down what they charge, either! BUT: If you are going to market your campground with cries of โFree WiFi For Our Guests!โ splashed all over the interwebs, then I strongly suggest you deliver on it. None of this lame, pokey, unstable one-router-for-forty-campsites BS, either! Yes, I will still patronize a campground if they don't have WiFi, but with that in mind, I'll know in advance what to expect and have alternatives (AT&T iPhone and a Verizon Hotspot) available. There are days/evenings when I don't even want or need to get online. There are also times, especially on an extended trip, that I might need to get online and do stuff... So that the credit card I just handed you will pay
you since I have to pay
them.Keep Your Website Up-to-Date โ You no longer honor Good Sam, FMCA, AAA or PassportAmerica? Why are the logos still on your website? You changed your 40 pull-through sites to 80 back-ins? Then why are the 40 pull-throughs still listed on your website? Many web hosts include annual or semi-annual updates to your site in their cost. Your website is often the tipping point as to whether I pick up the phone and make a reservation (By The Way: I only phone in reservations and rarely, if ever, do so online) or not. I have been known to print out a website, or a specific portion/page of it, and have placed it under the nose of the nice lady/gentleman at the front desk after they've said, โNo, we don't do/have that,โ I simply show them the page and reply, โYour website says you do.โ About half the time, they honor what the website says. The other half of the time, I don't go back.
It's the โLittle Thingsโ That Count! โ Is it your policy to escort a guest to their site? If someone should request a particular site when making a reservation do you do everything possible to make sure that site is available when they arrive? Do you have once-a-week, or more, siteside garbage collection? Do you accept mail and/or sign for UPS/FedEx packages for your guests? Is all of this
included in the price of my site? It's stuff like this that can add a few stars to your RVParkReviews.com rating and keep me and many future customers rolling down your driveway!
โDog Friendlyโ Should Also Mean โFriendly Dogโ! โ This one is
not directed toward campground owners, rather, it is directed toward my fellow campers. It's also probably where I'm going to veer pretty far afield of many an RVer: I want to โ and DO! โ take my critters (2 dogs & cat) on the road... But I DON'T want some yippy, yappy mutt(s) going ballistic outside my rig everytime a leaf falls to the ground! Leave your neurotic pets at home or have them boarded! Or, do what I did and have them obedience-trained. (Don't give me any โI can't afford thatโ ****! You're driving around in a $300,000+ motorhome! You can afford it, Schlub!)
We're Heathen... Sort Of โ No, we don't burn black candles at midnight or perform ritual sacrifice of live chickens, but if you want my continued business you'll keep your religion AND your politics to yourself! Freedom OF religion also means Freedom FROM religion! And ballots are private for a reason! So, back off, Jacko! If you insist on sharing a โCome to Jeebusโ or โMy Party is THE Party!โ Moment with me, don't be surprised if I encircle my rig with salt to protect myself from your hooey! Don't be surprised, either, if I happen to decide to display my six-foot rainbow flag on my rig! And especially don't be surprised that I never darken your driveway again!
No Sales Pitches!!! โ This is, obviously, directed at the myriad of โOwner Resortsโ that keep popping up all over the place. One of the reasons we have a motorhome is so that we will have a โHOMEโ to wherever we decide to โMOTORโ!! It's that simple! We have no โ nein, nyet, NADA! โ interest in buying a site that we might use once or twice a YEAR! Fair warning: If you try to sell us a site, not only will your name be Camp Mudd... We won't be back!
That's more stuff than I realized we had. Some of it probably more nit-picky than some folks would even consider. Yet this list is, for us, about as simple as I can make it. Often, it's the little โnit-pickyโ things that can make or break a campground โ or an entire trip โ for us. Meanwhile, watch your tail swing, keep the greasy side down and keep it tweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen th' ditches, Y'all!
(Bracing for flames, disses and thumbs down.)
Watch your tail swing... Keep the greasy side down and keep it 'tweeeeeeeeen the ditches, Y'all!
John E. Baker, III & Sally Baker - The Traveling Siblings!
Co-pilots: Llasah Lilly, Brown Daschie Chloe and Tuxedo Foots