Too old to continue traveling ? Grown children urging ..

[RoadXYZ]

Our home base is TriCities, Washington. And talking with our adult daughter today and she thinks we should settle down and get an apartment or go into a "senior apartment" .. we are fine, no medical issues of significance .. do not need 'assistance care' .. and are and have been volunteering these past years ... now we are in our 70s.

I know this has been talked of before (searched, but couldn't find right combo of words to pull up thread)

.. and was wondering if others are having this same type of discussions with their adult children (in their 40s & 50s).

We have more traveling we want to do - Virginia trip possibly next year before looking for an apartment or a larger RV to retire in at an RV Park ..

If you have had this type of "discussions" with your grown children - how did you 'deal' with it ?

[kzspree320]

I guess I'm a youngster at only 60, but I can not believe the selfish attitudes some of you have. The "nobody can tell me what to do" attitude. IF your child approaches you with love and respect, and has your best interest at heart, you should seriously listen to them. They may see something you don't. Maybe they saw you drive poorly and are worried for that reason. Maybe they saw you almost fall. I do agree we all age differently so you can't put a hard and fast age on when to quit driving/traveling.

I often see some older person driving their RV poorly. Please be honest with yourself if your driving is not as good as it should be. Just because you have no accidents does not mean you drive well. Many people can drive poorly for several years after they should have stopped before they have an accident. What if, in your attempt to get in that last 6 months of traveling, your bad driving causes an accident that kills a young couple in their 30s and their 3 small children. How would your children then feel if they had seen issues but didn't try to let you know your driving was bad??

Look at your children's motives. If they have nothing to gain by asking you to stop, please consider what they say. This is probably the same advice YOU would have given someone 20-30 years ago. Most hate to look at or admit to our own mortality. If you are making a decision that can only hurt you, then it is yours alone to make. If you are making a decision that can hurt or kill others, then other people may have a right to be involved. The states would do a better job of testing us drivers as we age in a perfect world. In this imperfect world, many would scream age discrimination at this increased testing.

Driving is not an inherent "right", it is a privelidge the states have every right to regulate in the interest of public safety. OK - I'm off my soap box now. I'm not trying to offend, just trying to make my point.

[RoadXYZ]

Scott16 wrote:
Keep doing what you love to do. I figure that if a person keeps active for as long as they possibly can. Then that increases your life (IMHO). You can plan keep traveling longer than if you go to a retirement home. You will know when the time to stop. Your children just trying to be helpfull,and that is very nice. My Aunt who lives up in Ridgeway Washington is 94 and still drives her car, and gets around pretty well. My plan is to retire at age 62 and plan on Rving for 10 years, after that we'll see. Good luck, and happy trails. Scott

Thank you for posting ... since we have looked at alternate places to live we have also been communicating more with our youngest daughter.

And yes, there has been a change .. we see that one of her concerns was when we are no longer a couple and either a widow or widower - what then ? And have y'all talked about what then ?

Since DH does all the driving and I cannot due to a medical problem, some of her concerns were well placed.

And yes, we have talked, but I think that us actually taking the time to go around to apartments, 55+ places, mobile home parks, etc. that she feels less stressful about the what if .. More time with her & the family plus more communication has worked ..

[64thunderbolt]

Very interesting read. I read each & every post. I escaped the "take the keys" with my mother. She was a snowbird coming to Az with me for the winters. One day when I came home from work she handed them to me and said she was done. She had not realized the stop was a 2 way and thought it was a 4 way. Pulled out in front af a feed truck doing about 60. He narrowly missed her thank God, scared her and she realized and told me she could no longer drive safely. I so admire her for that.

I'm on my way to 63 and retired 2 yrs ago. I'm working PT @ Home Depot to stay in the stream of life. I've talked to them about extended time off to travel. Not full time but a lot. I have missed so much of my families lives I want to visit with them more. They are scattered all over the country. I'm single so I'm gonna give it a go and see how it goes. I'm the type that needs roots so I'll keep the house for now. I already have one rentaland if I enjoy it enough I'll rent this one and go full time.

I'm hoping your daughter is wanting her children to have a better relationship with the two of you. You may have a good & necessary impact on their lives. Kids will tell grandparents so much more than parents. They feel more comfortable talking to grandma & grandpa. At least my grandaughter does. Just another item to consider. Good luck with what ever decision you make. Let God lead you, you won't regret it. Bless you and have a good one.

Sorry about the long post but I got carried away.

[Scott16]

Keep doing what you love to do. I figure that if a person keeps active for as long as they possibly can. Then that increases your life (IMHO). You can plan keep traveling longer than if you go to a retirement home. You will know when the time to stop. Your children just trying to be helpfull,and that is very nice. My Aunt who lives up in Ridgeway Washington is 94 and still drives her car, and gets around pretty well. My plan is to retire at age 62 and plan on Rving for 10 years, after that we'll see.
Good luck, and happy trails.
Scott

[luvglass]

Everybody's different. We didn't come out till I was 69 and I had never driven anything more than a car. We've been out 7 years now, have been all over North America, towed over 65,000 miles and still going strong. I'll park it when I feel I'm not up to it any more, or my wife tells me it's time, not before.
Go for it - you only live once.

[BarbaraOK]

You do know that you can't buy a 50' Class A, correct?

Yes, I will agree that everyone who has one of the big rigs should have to pass a driving test - I was 62 when I took my test and got my endorsement for a Class A in Texas.

Barb

[mpierce]

Gemstone,

I have always believed that upon reaching 65-70, you need to go back, and retake a drivers test. Then, retake at several years intervals again. More often as you get older.

I also believe that there should be a test to pass to get a big rv. A few states do this. I have always wondered why it is OK for somebody who has only ever owned a car, and driven in a city, can go out, and buy a 50' long Class A, put a toad behind it, and take to the open road! Not safe at all.

But, when you say these things, you get attacked as being anti old people. BTW, I hit 60 next year.

[WandaLust2]

Gemstone wrote:
"I agree with some needing to quit"...

Like this older AZ motorist who killed 2 people in 2 separate accidents on the same day....2 dead in one day.

Regards
Gemstone

You can be sure she has some problem and should not have been behind the wheel. Her vision may be poor. She may have taken some drug that effects perception or decision making. She may in the early stages of Alzheimer's.

[WandaLust2]

RoadXYZ wrote:
Our home base is TriCities, Washington. And talking with our adult daughter today and she thinks we should settle down and get an apartment or go into a "senior apartment" ..

.. and was wondering if others are having this same type of discussions with their adult children (in their 40s & 50s).

Fortunately our grown children, aged 35 to 47 encourage us to keep on keepin' on with our RVs. 🙂 Even the grandkids, two now grown and on their own think it's great that we're still active and not ready for rocking chairs. 🙂

Stay active and interested as long as you can. The worse thing we can do when we put on a few years is to become inactive - to take to our sofas and recliners and "die" in front of our TVs.

[Irover]

RoadXYZ: I simply told them that I wanted to spend as much time doing what I enjoy and would see them and the grands as often as I could. I don't want to live with them nor live in an apartment complex nor a nursing home unless it becomes absolutely necessary. We have the phone; internet and my visits about twice a yr for 3-4 weeks which is all we can stand.

[Steve_Martin]

RoadXYZ..I belive you have it. It's the time. Not necessarly spending it with you, but wanting you to spend it with the grandkids. My wife mentioned just last night how our children (23 & 26) don't have anything much to do with her mother, but they will go see my parents every chance they get. Her parents were on the road alot when our children we little. They would swing by the house and drop off sand or rocks or some little trinket from their travels and then be off again. My parents live only about 2 hours away and the kids were able to spend time with them and develop great relationships with them. They were never able to develop a relationship with her parents.

Maybe that's what your daughter is concerned about. I'll bet it is! My wife says we're moving to be near our grandkids when they are born! I think I like the two hours we're away from them now!

But the most important thing, and from reading your posts, I believe you understand that keeping the lines of communication open is the most important thing the we can do for our childrn and ourselves.

Good luck

[Gemstone]

Barbara...granted the most dramatic change on the graphs relate to drivers over 84. When looking at the corresponding data for the given graphs, the indications of increased accident activity start to climb noticeably in the late 60's, early 70's age range, and increases with age....this when the actual number of miles driven by each age group is declining substantially....
Personally, I believe the graphs and the corresponding data paint the picture I was intending....that is, we as drivers are more prone to be involved in fatal accidents as we age....just as inexperienced teen drivers are....and no one wants to be compared to the driving statistics of teens...after all, we have decades of driving experience.
Yet with all of that experience, and fewer miles driven, accidents increase as we age....could it be we are not as quick to react, we don't see/hear as well, we are not paying close attention to the task at hand...we can each draw our own conclusions....our kids are.

Regards
Gemstone

[RoadXYZ]

BarbaraOK wrote:
Gemstone, -purposely skipped -
Again, if you read the OP, it is that the daughter wanted to know what was going on all of the time - a little bit of control being exerted when none is needed. Is there a time when intervention may be needed, of course there is. But for a lot of people, then don't really stop and think what is best for the parents, just what is best for them. - purposely skipped -
That's what we do with our DD and SIL each year. And since we don't expect to become ill at the exact same time, we also have some reassurance that we can help each other. Barb

Thank you Barbara, but the thing as I see it now is that our youngest daughter would like us nearer her more of the time .. I saw that today when we attended the grandkiddos basketball & LAX games ..
many on here have stated that perhaps it is time with us that she is missing with us on the road so much.

And as we have read/thought about the postings, you all might have hit it squarely where it is.

Looks like we will be cutting our out-of-state time volunteering and/or touring down a bit these next months and spend more time nearer to or in our 'home base' which is where our daughter lives.

Our next volunteer stint will be only about 18 miles from our home base. So at the close of that volunteer committment we will have been in the home base area for a total of 7 months before leaving and be gone for only 5 months.

Many of your discussions have prompted us to endeavor to see it from her standpoint and brought us to various ways we can alleviate her fears ...
I especially like the video tape idea ... have also thought that perhaps she & her Dad need to take a ride or two so she can see that her Dad's driving is ok yet .. when his driver's license came up for renewal this year, he gave up his CDL, as 4 years ago he had told his former boss he wasn't going to drive bus again, period.

I am tired tonight, so hope this all makes sense.

Again thank you all for sharing and giving us more ideas of how we can address her concerns of our health, etc.

[2gypsies1]

Gemstone - sorry, age has nothing to do with the tragic accident. One can read of similar ones daily with much younger drivers.